Linked
by gem1n1
Summary: After McKay makes a mistake Sheppard gets stuck playing I felt she felt. Can he keep himself hidden from a virtual stranger
1. Chapter 1

He flexed his right hand glaring at the offending scientist from across the room. The tingling sensation had almost died down now, a mere ghost of the feeling remaining. Thankfully the section of the infirmary was virtually empty. The occasional nurse passing, no doubt looking for gossip as to the latest mishap, was the only distraction from the monitors showing his brain in front of him.

It had been alarmingly quiet since they came in almost like everyone was avoiding coming near the group. He knew they had been in their fair share of trouble with everything and anything under the Sun but he wasn't sure it warranted them behaving like they were pariahs.

Teyla remained her usual peaceful, calm self, eyes watching the displays occasionally looking to each team member before returning back. McKay was watching him eyes wide in slight panic his own brain probably working at a mile a minute trying to figure it all out. Ronon however was sat on a chair beside him stretched out lazily clearly having made himself comfortable looking about ready to doze off from boredom.

Sat beside him on the next bed was one Dr Briggs, Merry to any and all for whatever reason, the poor scientist that McKay had chosen to accompany them on their latest mission. McKay had however rambled on for hours about how he was sure he would figure it all out himself eventually. Sitting with the pillows propping up her back she looked the epitome of innocence. He had however seen her bicker toe to toe with McKay clearly holding her own the entire time. He had eventually stepped in watching the archaeologist quickly go back to work. They had worked well side by side in what he thought Carter and Jackson would have. When he said that however, Merry had erupted in laughter pointing at McKay shouting that he was the girl. In perfect beat he shouted back that made her a man. She simply looked at him still chuckling saying she had been called a lot worse.

He had doubted that. In the few occasions he had worked with her she had been nothing but kind and accommodating. She almost made him think of Zelenka, good at what she did but not seeking out the limelight for it. Looking at his hand again he wondered if the tingling had worn off for her from their little shock.

"It's harmless you said. Just a database security protocol you said." Merry's voice cut through the room grabbing the attention of a passing nurse. He could understand her frustration the pair of them had been stuck in the infirmary, a dozen wires attached to their heads all afternoon. Keller was mapping changes in their brain chemistry and goodness knows what else all because of some ancient console.

He had to admit she looked funny when she was angry. The faintest hint of red spread across her cheekbones before spreading to the tips of her ears. From past experience he knew that his own ears would turn red much like they were now no matter how much he tried to dampen it.

"How was I supposed to know it would warp you two? It was only supposed to give us access to the database which it did by the way. There's some very interesting information on a few experiments they were doing in planetary defence and a little bit on ascension." His ears definitely pricked up at that one, images of seeing McKay slowly die flickering through his mind.

"Are you saying this is another ascension machine? McKay!" As rigid as his voice was his mind was coming up with a thousand ways this would go pear shaped.

"No. I don't think so. I hope not." The man was now visibly squirming, his eyes fixed on a point beyond the screens surrounding them.

"McKay!" His blood was practically boiling. Of all the insane things they had gotten into this could be bad, really bad like blowing up a solar system bad. Almost every time they had gotten themselves into trouble it had just been them. This time they had pulled someone else along for the ride. His thoughts were broken when he saw a bundled bandage sail through the air hitting McKay in the head.

McKay spluttered arms flailing in defence until he spotted the offending item rolling away from him slowly coming undone. The flustered scientist turned to Ronon seeing the large man trying to hide a smirk. When McKay fired his best glare at him the one he knew sent his underlings scurrying Ronon's smile grew even more. The large man leaned back further in his chair stretching his arms out before settling them behind his head. Before McKay could utter a word Ronon pointed to the bed beside him where Merry sat. Mckay's face dropped when he saw her. Her jaw had slid to one side another bandage being tossed from one hand to the other.

"You hope so?" Her voice was high almost to the same hysteria driven heights McKay could reach. He wondered if it was a scientist thing.

"Well I'm assuming that the database would mention something like that." McKay replied wringing his hands looking from him to Merry and then back again. McKay knew now was the time to leave but he couldn't make is legs move. They were glued to the floor.

Anger seemed to bounce between the two of them growing and growing. The colours on the monitor growing and shifting. Swirls of colour that seemed mesmerising, captivating all that were in their little nook of the infirmary.

"Dr Keller. You need to see this." Teyla called around the large screens. It always amazed him just how cool and collected Teyla could be no matter how much madness they ended up in.

The blonde doctor raced around the screens staring at the two of them before following their line of sight. Seeing the colours on the screen morph and run into each other until both sides settled on red rich amber she was panicked yet intrigued. Looking from one screen to them over and over their positions never failing she had to blink. Both of them were glaring at McKay backs rigid, their expressions almost identical.

Rushing to a nearby monitor she spilt the screens watching the colours merge until the mapping was virtually identical. The patterns, the colours all meant one thing to her and it was more confusing than anything else.

"Rodney. How much information have you found in the database about ascension?" Keller asked voice sounding distracted as she stared at the screens.

"Not much so far but then it hasn't been a priority of mine." Mckay seemed to tense up obviously feeling the heated glares from beside him. The colours on the screen only made it worse. "That is until now of course. I'll go get everything now." Scurrying away round the corner and out of sight McKay kept his head ducked down. The moment he settled in front of a laptop his fingers began tapping furiously at the keys. The whole section to the infirmary was soon filled with his tappings, the noise somehow managing to soothe the two angry patients.

Sheppard knew that McKay wouldn't rest until he had a clue as to what had happened and figured out just how to undo it. The man maybe a self proclaiming genius but he made mistakes and was wrong occasionally. When he was wrong in some way he did everything he could to put it right again. Even faster if some pressure was put onto him. The thought made him stifle a smirk ideas already swirling.

Dr Keller stood in front of the screens watching their brain chemistry continue to twist and morph. Yellows became oranges, oranges became reds, reds became greens. The rest of the room seemed to be forgotten about as she focused on the blatant matches and those that refused to change.

"It's amazing. Impossible but amazing." she said to no one voice barely heard.

"Jennifer?" Teyla asked quietly coming up beside her.

"Sorry. If I'm right then this is remarkable."

"What is?" Ronon asked from beside him his deep voice uttering the first words since they came back.

"This is the limbic system. It's made up of various parts like the hippocampus and the amygdala. They work together to create emotions, amongst other things. Normally you can see the activity sparking through out as a result of what's happening there. Now under normal circumstances there would be some similarities between different people experiencing the same thing but there would still be fluctuations unique to the individual. We are all different, different personalities, different beliefs different experiences which make us respond in different measures. But the two of you, you're brains have somehow matched in reaction in several areas multiple times. There are still differences but it's almost like your brains have synced with each other." She stared back at the screens full of amazement at what she was witnessing.

"I think I've found something. There's a reference to a study they did to heighten their emotional and mental ability in order for easier ascension. Two people would use the device becoming mentally connected for a short period of time allowing them to understand themselves more and so they could see the other side of life I suppose." Noticing the stares from everyone around him McKay became beyond self conscious tugging slightly at his collar. "What?"

"That's what I just sort of said." Keller seemed amused at the fact she actually got there first for once as did everyone else.

"Oh well sorry I was late for that." There was the usual McKay snarkiness to his voice, his face clearly showing how impressed he wasn't.

"So this, whatever it is, will just wear off and we will carry on as before with no side effects?" He wasn't sure if his uncertainty was in his voice but he sure felt it.

"That's what it's said so far. Have you noticed anything so far?" All eyes were suddenly set on the two of them. Sheppard was very tempted to squirm but squashed it quickly.

The pair shook their heads turning to each other with a shrug. They both snickered at the other noticing how ridiculous they looked with multicoloured wires sticking out of their heads.

"What level of syncing should we be expecting here? Am I going to start hearing his thoughts?" The fact she looked sideways at him as she spoke sent shivers down his spine. He didn't like the idea anymore than she did apparently.

"Given the fact that you aren't actually Ancient then who knows. The level to which they experienced a connection wasn't mentioned but there are several files that look like cases so it may have been a case by case thing. I've got them all right here if you would like to take a look with me." McKay's hopeful tone and smile easily got Keller by his side already perusing the information on his data pad as they moved away.

"Can we go? I do have work to do." He didn't think he had ever heard her speak so much in such a short time without that 'Merry' smile. It was unusual to see and sent a warning off in his brain. He imagined she was most likely restless but the woman could sit and stare at symbols carved into stone walls or a piece of pottery for hours.

_Maybe I'm projecting he thought._

"_Erm, yes but the second anything unusual happens contact me immediately." Keller replied distracted by whatever was on the data pad._

_He only just heard Ronon's mutterings about nothing being unusual in the city before Merry began laughing._


	2. Chapter 2

With the help of Teyla and Ronon the two of them were soon free of the wires and on their way. With a quick wave Merry disappeared into the throng of passing people her usual light hearted disposition firmly back in place.

Deciding lunch was a great place to start he followed Ronon and Teyla through the people and down the many hallways. He felt rather hungry and filled his tray a little more than he would normally. There was nothing majorly out of the ordinary just much larger portions than he would have. The only exception was the thick slice of chocolate fudge cake. He never really had that much of a sweet tooth. His companions shared a look as he sat down glancing between his food and his face.

After seeing him eat several forkfuls with an unusual gusto they settled into their own food a comfortable silence between them. A conversation soon sparked regarding Torren's ever growing knowledge of words which courtesy of a few marines now included several swears. He knew it was completely irrational but the fact that Ronon found it absolutely hilarious that the young boy had decided to curse at Rodney several times truly angered him. His anger boiled his blood as the man chuckled around his mouthful of food to the point where he saw red. Before he knew what he was doing he pulled his fist back putting his full weight into the swing. He managed to hit Ronon, a feat in itself but also knock him back throwing him to the ground.

His body was frozen in shock as he took in the sight before him. Fist still clenched in front of him he looked at the food trays scattered on the table puddles and patches of spilled food and drink decorating its top. Teyla's chair was pushed back leaning precariously on one leg against a nearby table. Following it down to the floor he looked at Teyla knelt beside the still toppled over Ronon. Her hand was on his face gently touching the already swelling skin. Both of their faces were locked in shock as they stared back at him.

"I….I don't know what just happened," He watched as his hand slowly uncurled as though it wasn't part of him. "Maybe… I think I'll go to the infirmary."

"I believe that would be wise. Should we alert Dr Briggs?" Had it been anyone else he was sure it would have sounded patronising but her calm, soothing way was always anything but.

As he attempted to not help Ronon up from the floor he tapped his earpiece practically ordering her to the infirmary. The short reply he got sounded as though it came from behind clenched teeth but he thought it was just his imagination. Or just a bad connection.

Weaving his way through the group of onlookers he led them quickly towards their destination. Glancing back he looked at Ronon. The man looked no different than usual his posture maybe a little more rigid than normal.

He couldn't understand it. Everything had been fine. He had actually been amused by Torren's new affection for certain words, not that he would ever admit that to Teyla. But then in a flash he seemed to lose control. The rage that overtook him didn't feel like his own but he couldn't stop his body from releasing it. It was old, pent up frustration with a new set of seething anger added to the top of a teetering pile. He hoped this could be solved easily. Aside from the fact he hated to lose control of anything this was dangerous and could compromise anything and everything if he wasn't careful.

Stepping into the infirmary he was surprised to find Merry stood chatting with Dr Keller. He was about to ask how she got there so fast from the other side of the city when he was cut off by Keller whizzing passed him to Ronon's side.

"What happened to you?" Her concern thick voice was broken only by Ronon's grumbled mutterings as he pushed her hands away from his now swollen eye.

"Colonel Sheppard appeared to….lose his temper over nothing."

"You did that?" Nodding he moved away from the group settling against a nearby bed. "When?"

"Around ten minutes ago." Teyla looked to be more intrigued as Merry grew more anxious. "Dr Briggs is there something wrong?"

He watched her eyes flickering to Ronon as guilt grew in his chest overlaying his own. "Merry?"

"I guess the machine works." The small nervous laugh that followed did nothing to hide just how uncomfortable she looked.

"Merry?" He was growing impatient with this whole thing. A part of him knew this wasn't going to end pretty.

"Dr Andrews is back in the city."

"Ah." His head whipped around to Teyla fast and hard pulling on the side of his neck. Seeing his look she seemed caught or words. "Dr Andrews is….

"Think McKay on a really bad day but without the intelligence to back it up."

"Do you mean that little string of a man?" Ronon asked face scrunched up in thought.

"That's the one." Ronon grimaced as she answered sparking Sheppard's interest. He couldn't picture the man at all but somehow his team could.

Rubbing his forehead already feeling the grind of a headache that he knew was going to get worse he tried to think. He knew what he needed to do but the idea was most definitely not something he wanted to do but something he had to.

"Mr Woolsey, Major Lorne to the infirmary." Sighing he hopped up onto the bed awaiting a conversation he didn't want to have. The ache in his head grew worse scratching behind his eyes. Looking over to the petite brunette he watched her lean her weight on the bed beside him, pinching the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes.

"Headache?" he asked voice sounding a little croaky. She nodded her head her thumb pushing into her forehead. "Me too."

"Dr Briggs, you have quite the sweet tooth, do you not?" The chuckle that erupted from the archaeologist sounded full of hilarity to his ears, her finger poking into her sides as she spoke.

"You could say that. Why?"

"Have you had lunch yet?"

"No not yet. I usually wait until later when it's quiet so I can continue working."

Teyla's eyes flitted over to him before swinging back to Dr Briggs and then to Dr Keller.

"I believe their connection has become rather pronounced. Colonel Sheppard had much more than usual for lunch including a large slice of cake."

Keller instantly launched into action drawing more blood and beginning to set up the scanners. It was that moment that the doors to the infirmary opened and Woolsey and Lorne walked in.

/

"So you felt her anger on the opposite side of the city and struck Ronon?" His smile and shrug seemed to be all the answer Woolsey needed.

"There doesn't seem to be a distance set to it. The records show that the subjects had been on opposite ends of a planet even with one in orbit and still held a strong connection with each other."

"So this will still be active if Colonel Sheppard is off world?" Getting the nod from McKay the stern man turned to face him. "In that case Colonel under no circumstances are you to travel off world. Major Lorne will take over all aspects that involve the security of the city in anyway. The same goes for you Dr Briggs. Your trip will have to be postponed again. Now if you will excuse me I have a report to write." With a curt nod he turned leaving the infirmary in a brisk walk before he could even object.

He felt completely miserable. His normally active body suddenly felt heavy and limp, the effort of just keeping up his head seemingly to much effort. It wasn't him, it wasn't his. As unhappy as he was to have had almost his entire job taken away he had gotten used to it over the years. Somehow he always seemed to end up in some sort of situation.

But as fast as it had come on the feeling went allowing him to lift himself from the slouch he had found himself in. Looking over to her he watched her lift her head that smile back on her face as she pulled her shoulders back. Watching her watch the others he couldn't help but admire her ability to mask everything so easily but he wondered just how often she hid herself behind a smile.

Hearing McKay's ramble he looked over trying to pay attention to what he was saying to the others but he couldn't. A sudden realisation hit him. She wasn't the only one who locked everything away. How was he going to cope if parts of himself that he revealed to no one were to be shown to someone without his control?


	3. Chapter 3

After being poked and prodded by Keller and having handed over virtually every aspect of his workload to a very poker faced Lorne he realised he had nothing to do. Ronon was either off 'training' marines or spending time with Amelia and Teyla was having some rare family time. Annoying Rodney was out of the question since he was in fact trying to get him out of this dilemma. As much as he trusted the man could reverse the machine to undo the damage this was his brain. He needed it as in tact as possible. At a loss he looked around his quarters eyes settling on his skateboard. Contemplating whizzing around the lower levels he tried to think of where would be the least occupied to minimise the damage. The more he thought the more excited he became.

Scooping it up with a smile he jogged out of his quarters and to the nearest transporter sending himself to one of the furthest uninhabited towers. The moment the doors opened he hopped on the board heading down the long hallway.

Weaving from one side to the other he narrowly missed hitting a long dead plant. Swerving away he took a corner and then another gathering more speed as he went. Spotting the transporter up ahead he followed the path he had taken again. Taking a left instead of a right he followed the new path. Seeing a closed door blocking the way he came to stop. He debated for a moment about whether to open it. Lifting his hand to the panel beside it he stopped. He didn't know why it was shut or just what was on the other side. If he contacted the control room Woolsey could wonder just what he was doing. Slowly dropping his hand he stared at the door before turning around heading back the way he came. He knew there should be a flight of stairs nearby but couldn't picture just where they were. Seeing a darkness further along the hallway he smirked knowing exactly what that meant.

The second his front wheels touched the air he felt exhilarated. Sailing through the air he landed on the centre platform taking the second flight as a very, very bumpy ride. Stair after stair he battered and crashed his way down. As his back wheels jolted on the second to last step his balance teetered off sending him flying off the board as his back wheels slammed into the floor. Putting out his hands to catch himself he rolled with the fall leaving him lying flat on his back grinning like a fool at the dark ceiling above.

His heart was pounding, adrenalin surging through his veins. Around his breathlessness he managed to laugh it turning into a full scale belly laugh as he rolled over watching his skateboard. Slowly it continued its journey down the hallway without him.

Jumping to his feet ignoring the creak in his knees he headed down the hallway. Several feet away under a spotlight was his board resting against the dark Ancient walls. Jogging the last little bit he rode it back to the staircase heading back up to the floor above.

What felt like no time at all had actually been three hours. He had loved every carefree moment of it. For just that short brief time he felt free and alive without a single worry. It kept a huge grin on his face the whole way back and the whole way through his shower til he reached the mess hall. Part way through his shower his stomach reminded him he hadn't eaten all of his lunch.

As he perused the food his eyes slipping up to look a who was in there he felt his smile falter slightly. Gathering a sandwich and a few other pieces he slowly made his way over. It was only now he realised he hadn't felt anything from her at all in the few hours he had been out. A well of hope blossomed that he was already free on the connection. Seeing a huge smile on her face he quickly noticed she however had felt something from him.

Enjoying seeing a true smile on her face he walked over a little slower savouring the moment. He wasn't surprised to see her attention caught in whatever was on her data pad. The woman lived to work. He had realised that the first time he had gone off world with her tagging along. She never stopped working until it was time to head back working whilst eating. Ironically she didn't speak usual scientist mumbo jumbo except when she spoke to McKay.

Sitting opposite her he slowly began to eat still watching her smile away to herself. He hadn't expected however for her to suddenly speak.

"I take it you have had a fun few hours?" The smile in her voice matched the smile plastered to her face as she asked already knowing the answer. When she looked up at him her head still facing her work he saw her eyes twinkle mischievously. "Not working suits you. Who would have thought?"

"You should try it. His own smile grew as hers did both intent on keeping up the teasing.

"I'm not working now."

"Then what's that?" He pointed over to the datapad with raised eyebrows trying not to drop his sandwich.

"A paper on the mummification of the population on M67-R32." As she spoke she lifted her cup hiding her slight blush behind it. "It's not work. I'm just interested."

"Sounds like work to me."

"I enjoy it."

"Still sounds like work."

"What were you doing to inspire such a good mood?"

"That I put you into." Seeing the small blush creep up her cheeks again he smirked leaning in closely. "I was skateboarding in one of the towers." When her eyebrow lifted slightly he smile back. "Normally I do it when Woolsey has gone to his quarters, less chance of trouble."

"Adrenalin junkie." He couldn't help the prided smile that spread around his mouthful of sandwich. The smile and shaking of her head made it even bigger.

"You should give it a try." A brief thought danced in his mind.

"I think you do that enough for the both of us."

"Chicken"

"Actually its egg salad." He snorted almost choking on his sandwich as she burst out laughing. Wiping his mouth with a napkin he chuckled along noticing he was flirting with the person he could have inadvertently put at risk.

The banter continued between them while they ate until McKay joined them huffing about useless scientists under his breath. It took him several moments of openly staring at Merry before the light bulb as to who she was went off in his head. He was waiting for him to say that she wasn't Teyla. All McKay did was turn to his food shovelling it down as though someone was going to steal it from him.

Silently they shared a look both cracking up attempting to smother it with their hands. McKay about to put another forkful in his mouth just stared at them.

"Tell me you aren't hearing each other's thoughts."

"No McKay. For what we just thought there was no need whatsoever." They shared a laugh again and were still chuckling as Teyla and Ronon sat own. Teyla seemed amused by them but Ronon just gave them a strange look before stealing a piece of meat from McKay's plate.

The laughter and enjoyment was soon stolen. He didn't know what it was at first, a shadow growing at the edge of his mind. Looking at Merry's face the smile blatantly different he waited trying to get a feel for what it was.

Dr Briggs, I've been looking for you. Why have you not been in your office all day?" The skinny man's voice was smothered in disgust, his face screwed up like he had tasted something foul.

"She isn't working today doctor's orders since…."

"That silly incident with the device off world yes, yes. Well you could have come and told me. I wouldn't have wasted my time assigning you all that research otherwise." Sheppard's face twisted as the man spoke blatantly cutting him off. Given just how irritated everyone seemed to be he took it as this was the Dr Andrews. When Merry thrust her datapad into his hands the doctor's face twisted more his thumb thumping at the screen. He watched the surprise cross his face as he pressed more and more.

"You finished it all, every piece. There was a week's worth of work here. Well I had best double check this before I hand it over." He tucked the datapad under his arm a smarmy smirk on his face.

The shadow in his mind twisted then exploded the urge there again to lash out. Looking at the man he instantly understood. Just looking at him he felt the urge. He tried to dampen it down aided by Merry who's glance at him suddenly had her face go blank.

"Dr Andrews, I know you have only just returned but I need those reports. They are already a month late." McKay had his smug authority face on that made most people squirm. It didn't fail. Dr Andrews stood stuttering and squirming his eyes watching his fingers tap on the edge of the data pad.

"I put them on your desk this morning Dr McKay." Merry's voice was a surprise that instantly stopped Andrews stuttering turning him to a gawping mess. Looking at McKay's face he heard footsteps pretty much running away from the table well aware of the loss of Dr Andrews' presence.

As one they all turned to McKay no one surprised to find him back devouring his meal. The harsh screech of a chair had him turn to face an empty chair. Twisting around he saw her back disappear into the kitchen before turning back to McKay.

Sensing eyes on him McKay looked up asking a muffled what around his mouthful of vegetables.

"She does all the work in that office. She writes every report, every appraisal even her own and she's never nice on it." With everyone still staring at him he waved his fork in the air in her direction. "She gave them to me this morning before we left." Sharing a smile with the others they all returned to their meals.

Only he noticed when she crept back to the table slipping into her chair with a smile in McKay's direction. Everyone did look up however when a plate stacked high with brownies slid next to McKay. The man's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as he grabbed one taking a bite regardless to the vegetables still in his mouth. The sudden sigh from McKay had him looking back at her finding her hiding behind her cup again.


	4. Chapter 4

After the most bizarre night's sleep he had ever had he had gone to see Woolsey before heading towards a certain person's office. He had felt calm all morning giving him a strange out of body feeling. It had been disconcerting at first but as the morning stretched on he became accustomed to it even if the thought of a petite archaeologist having possible control of him was a little worrying.

Peering through the doorway leaning on the frame trying to look as nonchalant as possible everything was explained. There were several dozen candles spread around the room giving the room a soft ambient glow. The smell that hit his nose was very familiar. It was the spicy, sweet wooden scent Teyla frequently used when meditating but the room showed no sign of burning incense.

None of the lights were on the multitude of screens, monitors and laptops scattered around were all dark. Stepping quietly he stared at a sack of old books the leather binding them weathered and worn. It was only when he was just a step away that he could see her work. Leaning on the counter running along the wall of the small room he watched her. She was surrounded in the glow of the candles the few sitting on her desk flicking light and shadow across her face. Her fingers danced along a line of large, old book the print barely legible. As her fingers worked right to left her other hand slowly wrote, the letters and words looping and curling. She looked locked in time, a window back to how she would have worked so long ago.

The calm made sense. As distracting and all consuming as it was becoming he could certainly see the appeal of the simple life. His mind and body ached despite it, longing for the rush of action, the thrill of adventure and danger. That thought alone made her hand stop her eyes drift closed. On instinct he stepped towards her desk hand about to reach for her when her breath shuddered out the pen slowly placed in a nearby case.

Still concerned he pulled up a stool beside her. He didn't know what to say or what to do but he knew he had to say something. Words seem to have defeated him however.

"I know you're bored and anxious to do something but I needed just a little bit of peace this morning." Her voice was a quiet whisper, soft but weary. Only when her eyes turned to him did he see just how blood shot they were.

"You didn't sleep well either." It was more of a statement that a question he knew that but he found something a least to say. "I'm sorry."

"Was that you or me?"

"I thought it was you but."

"Maybe it was both of us. A never-ending cycle."

"Could be. We have to go see Keller. Have you had breakfast yet?" It was slight but he was sure he saw her shake her head. "Come on. We'll eat and then get poked and prodded for a while."

"And then you can tell me what you have got planned that you were trying to rope me into."

"I don't know what you mean." He replied trying to look innocent.

"Don't you think you're a bit old for that look?" It took a double take before his mind figured out what she had said, seeing a barely hidden smirk.

Stepping into the transporter he looked at her facing the now closing doors. Hovering his finger over the location on the map he narrowed his eyes at her before pressing.

"I am not old."

Breakfast was brief and interrupted by McKay who still eating a piece of toast trailed behind them muttering about something as they walked to the infirmary. This time however aside from the wires and the screens they also had to contend with Dr Volask. The man was one of long line of people who had stepped into the city's shrink role. The man was nice enough for a shrink but unlike Kate whenever he spoke he always sounded patronising. He was sure the man could read the phone book and still sound the same.

Hooking the up to what looked like a polygraph machine he showed them pictures wanting to elicit a response from the other. Ironically the only thing he felt the whole way through was boredom. When it came to his turn to play sender instead of receiver the fact she dozed off after two cards told him he had sent her his boredom aswell.

Although a little ashamed he couldn't help but chuckle. When Volask's exasperated sigh reach his ears he had the sense to look a little bit guilty but it didn't last very long. Huffing to himself the man got up and disappeared around the corner sending two nurses scattering. With Keller dismissing them both, Merry still slightly red in the face they scrambled free of the equipment making a quick escape.

The moment they stepped out of the doors he grasped her arm pulling her in the opposite direction to the one she was headed. He ignored every one of her protests practically dragging her until she finally gave in.

"Colonel, where are you taking me?" Her voice was stuttered as she attempted to keep up with his fast pace. His hand never left her but he did slow his pace acknowledging just how much shorter she was compared to him. Finding her keeping step with him easily now he pulled down a side corridor and then up a ramp into the control room.

"Chuck is everything set?" He called out rounding the equipment still holding on to her.

"Yes sir just as you requested."

"Good." He walked off again holding onto her arm. He heard her stumble as he moved smirking when he heard her muttered curse. They were part way up the stairs when they came across someone. Stopping he pulled her tighter behind him letting them pass before moving on mentally checking if there was anything that was missing. Coming up with nothing he finally heard her speaking.

"And if you think I'm going along with anything you or your team have concocted well then you can."

"Do you want to get out the city?" He was trying for stern and impatient but seeing her flustered state skidding to a halt so she wouldn't crash into him almost had a chuckle escaping.

"What?"

"Something that Woolsey said had me thinking and I looked into something. You have had your work halted by my team more than anyone else in this city because of the escapades we get ourselves into. It's not exactly what you want but it's as good as I could do." Feeling slightly ridiculous from his outburst he watched her face soften. Giving an embarrassed smile he released her arm content she wouldn't kick him in the shins and run. There was moment between them each just watching the other. He waited for the moment it would become awkward and he would have to shrug his way out of it but it stayed comfortable.

"So what have you got in mind?" Indicating for her to head through the doorway into the jumper bay he walked beside her half leading her to a middle jumper.

"Stackhouse here is going to escort you to the mainland so you can continue the research into the settlement thing." Standing at the floor of the ramp one foot leaning on the bottom he glanced at the man putting away bags and boxes into the overhead netting. He was a little envious at getting out and flying but wasn't sure if he would want to spend his time digging up ruins.

"Ready to go Mer - ma'am?" Stackhouse sounded light and casual until he got to is squeaky, stuttered end. The man's eyes darted to his, a nervous smile on his face.

"Stacky I really don't think the Colonel cares what you call me so long as it isn't out of line." Her voice cut into the man's emanating tension sending him flying to the front red faced.  
He waited watching her step onto the ramp still amused at Stackhouse's reaction. His face fell slightly when she paused and turned to him. He hadn't known what she was going to do but the arms that suddenly wrapped around him in a hug was the last one the list. Her barely heard thank you was followed by a brief squeeze before she turned and made her way inside.

He had been too shocked to reach, his back ramrod straight feeling too awkward to move his arms around her. They had worked together a few times and he knew her briefly but that wasn't a reaction that he had planned on. It hadn't been awful but it was uncomfortable for someone who barely knew him. He wasn't keen on hugs from Teyla and he had known her for years.

Still slightly disturbed by Merry's sudden burst of appreciation he took the long way to his office determined to make a mental picture of this woman. Nodding to the few people who passed him offering a light smile here and there he slipped through the door of his office. Noticing for the first time how much the room needed to be cleaned he looked around, the greyish film of dust on the cupboard in the corner blatantly obvious. Mentally putting it on his short to do list he sank into his chair with a sigh.

Punching the button on his laptop he watched it slowly boot up lazily leaning the chair back as he waited. Searching through the database he found the information he was looking for not surprised at having to enter his pass code to access everything. Making himself comfortable he began to read, each passage being another puzzle piece.

For the first time he could feel something he could put a label. Fear. Sheer unfiltered fear that felt like icy fingers gripping his heart. It squeezed sending a sharp pain through his chest pushing the breath from his chest. He could feel his chest tightening as he fought with himself. A part of his mind was screaming telling him to move the other pulling and tugging at him keeping him frozen to the chair.

Forcing a breath into his chest he pushed to expand his lungs to the max. It was painful and hard sending adrenalin flooding through him but his chest constricted again. Every inch he gained he lost in one agonising crush. Each breath was a struggle once again gluing him to his chair.

It was a battle to move his whole body contorting around the agonising freeze from his mind. As more adrenalin surged through his body he fought harder taking anything he could get. Teeth clenched, body shaking he forced his fingers to uncurl from the arm of the chair. His muscles quivered, sweat breaking out across his flushed skin as the battle between his body and mind continued.

A sudden sharp twang had him lurching forward tumbling from his chair. His knees hit the floor hard his hands barely catching him before his face smashed into the ground. Gut knotting he felt his breakfast lurch threatening to reappear. He tried to swallow around the tension feeling his throat starting to close instead. The pinching feeling grew stopping his breathing bringing tears to his eyes as he fought.

Mouth opening gasping for the breath his body couldn't take his vision swam. The desk legs blurred and multiplied before white specks blurred them from sight completely. He could hear nothing over the heavy pounding of his heart in his ears. It pumped so hard he was sure it was moving his ribs with each pulsing beat.

The sudden release sent him crashing to the ground. His throat and chest eased pulling a deep breath into his lungs with a harsh rasp. It was a sweet feeling that overshadowed the ache that remained. Rolling to his back the movement an oversized effort in itself he let his jelly like muscles flop and land as they liked. Staring at the fuzzy ceiling above he let the ancient pattern slowly come into focus. His breathing was back as it was; he heart slowly stopping its heavy drum beat on his ribs. As his mind found some clarity he became more confused as to what had just happened to him.

Gathering himself to his feet he wavered for a moment his hand searching the air for the wall. Finding his balance he made for the door ready to head to the control room. He halted as the PA fired up calling him to the infirmary instead. With a deep aching breath he stepped out of his office his pace slow and unsteady. 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I cant believe it has been that long since I updated his story…. Oops. Life keeps getting in the way butting in on my free time (what little there is right now). Hopefully I should get the next chapter up in the next few days and there should be more happening by then.

*****

"I'm sorry." her small voice pulled him from distraction turning his attention to her. Although she was now in most parts relatively dry she did still look the proverbial drowned rat. Her face though graced with the typical Merry smile was pale and drawn. Tired eyes turned down to where her fingers toyed with the blanket.

"You couldn't help it." Recognizing the tension in her body he searched for a way to lighten the dim mood. He wasn't good with this sort of thing. "Unless you did it on purpose. Trying to torture me are you Dr Briggs?" He kept the smirk on his face to soften his words

Seeing her head snap up eyes wide in horror he quickly regretted the words. It took a moment but her face softened the teasing quality of his smirk twitching the smile to something fuller.

"I thought things had been a bit quiet for you lately." She replied one side of her smile growing. Happy at lifting her mood and the tension that surrounded them he chose to continue the teasing.

"I like quiet. Nothing wrong with quiet. Although loud is good too. Let's me know I'm doing it right." Letting his eyes slide to her he was happy to find his meaning wasn't lost. There was a gentle blush across her cheeks disappearing beneath the blanket still wrapped around her.

He felt curious as her mouth parted slightly a deep twinkling to her eyes telling him she was about to make a teasing reply. That however was the moment McKay appeared Keller attached to his hip as they walked together both speaking at each other. They each had an arm flailing constantly returning to the data pad held between them. Mentally cursing them he looked to them both eyebrows raised hoping he didn't have to say anything. The uneasy feeling was still at the back of his mind but he was much more relaxed now than he was five minutes ago as was she.

With an intuition that astounded him McKay looked up catching his look. Instantly his mouth stopped Keller's words fading off as she noticed his attention had shifted. Giving them both a smile that he hoped said 'please get on with it' he settled back on the bed.

"Well you are both physically fine although you will both need a good nights rest."

"From what we can see from the scans and from what you have said we are assuming this little incident is due to the link. We're about 99% sure but we never know with you Sheppard."

"Link? I thought we were 'in sync' with each other."

"You are but there's something else that's linking you together but we don't know what it is. We think it has something to do with your naturally occurring gene."

"As of right now you are both fully off duty and confined to the city so I can monitor you. I've already informed Mr Woolsey and Major Lorne of my decision."

"So what now?"

"Now you two get to go off and do whatever you do while we try to figure this thing out." McKay waved his hand obviously trying to shoo them away.

Turning his attention to her he took in her still scraggly appearance aware he wasn't looking so good himself.

"Are you hungry?" Seeing her tip her head side to side clearly undecided on the point he continued. "How about we get cleaned up and meet in the mess in half an hour? I can keep an eye on you make sure you don't get me into any trouble."

"Shouldn't I be saying that colonel?"

~*~*~

He had headed back to his quarters with his usual steady stride but the moment the doors closed he slumped against them. He'd been through a lot, seen and done things that would make most look away in disgust, and gone through things that left a mark on him whether physically or otherwise but that was one of the strangest things he had ever endured. Even now he could still feel it. It was just a echo of what it was before but it was enough to unnerve him.

He had known fear but always had a way of overcoming it. There had been times when he had seen it in others some fighting through, others letting their feet take control. He had seen a few who remained frozen in fear their bodies locked in a war of fight or flight but had thankfully never felt it. Until now. It felt so strange to have his body react in such an alien way, to feel every ounce of control be taken away. It wasn't something he wanted to feel again.

Heading to the bathroom he quickly turned on the water splashing the water down his face and neck desperately wanting to wash away the unease. Staring at the water slowly disappearing he tried to imagine how she had felt, what she had been thinking as the water rose. Shaking his head of the morbid thoughts he headed towards his clothing. If he was truly off duty he was going to be completely off duty.

Shrugging off his uniform he slipped on a pair of dark jeans, eyes dancing over the few shirts he had. Tugging on a simple linen shirt, the colour so faded it looked more grey than blue, he slipped his feet into a random pair of shoes and headed out the door.

He had been sat at the table for just few minutes mindlessly moving fruit around when the calm washed over him. It was something he wondered if he would get used to. As he watched her place a few items of food on her plate he couldn't help but look at his own food. It was considerably less than he would normally eat but was still too much. She may have managed to overwrite how anxious he had been with her calm but that didn't stop his stomach from churning away on itself.

Taking a bite from a newly acquired fruit he was pleasantly surprised by the sharp taste. It reminded him of grapefruit but with a more zesty lemon tang to it. It was certainly unusual and had him wondering what the other food stuff taste like. Taking another bite he watched her slow down as she came closer and closer to the end of the line as though delaying the inevitable. He wasn't sure how well this idea was going to turn out but given the easy conversation they had fallen into in the infirmary he had hope.

~*~*~

Lunch had been more uncomfortable than he could imagine. The awkward silence had hung like a heavy weight around them warding off anyone who came to close. He'd had little appetite just like her but he ate the few pieces of fruit he had selected.. It was when he noticed how much his hands were shaking that he had become concerned.

It was a detached movement his body having practically no reaction to it. He had felt a torrent of emotion sweeping over him just as she quickly excused herself leaving him sat gaping at her wake. The tremors stopped shortly after she left his hands and arms tingling with pins and needles. It took several minutes for the feeling to pass. He had sat watching his hands clench and unclench the feeling almost as alien as the shaking but this time he knew it was him.

Looking at the last scraps of his lunch he felt his stomach lurch. Even the unusual tang of the new fruit couldn't tempt him into eating anymore. Sighing dejectedly he pushed his chair back from the table half heartedly clearing away the tiny mess they had made before heading to his quarters.

He felt undeniably exhausted each step washing away another piece of him. It was only when he reached the door to his quarters that he realised he didn't want to be there. He knew he could head to his office but with him declared off duty he knew there would be nothing to do. Sparring was out of the question given just how tired he was. He knew Teyla would recommend a short spell of meditation but he didn't believe it would help.

Turning away from his door he let his feet take him wherever they wanted to go. Corridor after corridor, doorway after doorway he found himself on one of the lower level balconies. Flopping onto the bench set against the wall he propped his feet up on the rail listening to the endless chatter that was pouring through his earpiece. Even off duty for medical reasons he still wore it. The gentle sea breeze was the perfect company soothing him. It didn't take long before his eyes slipped closed, his body relaxing into the seat.

He sudden urgent call spilt through his calm. He was on his feet halfway through the doorway when he heard the location. Letting out huff of a chuckle he slumped back to the bench easing down with very little grace. He knew it was a practical joke he had started them himself whenever his second was in command and the day had run quiet. It had seemed he wasn't the only one who enjoyed tormenting him.

Pulling the ear piece out and slipping off his shoes he settled back sinking back to his previous position. The breeze, the quiet and the calm sea lapping below him. This was his meditating.

~*~*~

He snapped awake, eyes searching the darkness. The room was barely lit, the moons hidden behind clouds. Slowly he sat up aware of every point in the room. There was nothing unusual about anything aside from the odd shadows cast in the faint light. Staring at his watch it took his sleepy mind a while to figure out how early it was.

Looking to his radio he noted no one was calling him. The city was so quiet he could make out the sounds of the ocean. He had no idea what had woken him and given the hour he knew he should try to fall back asleep. Letting his eyes sweep the room one last time he flopped back to the bed.

The sheets were cooler on his skin now, creeping through his tshirt. It took some shuffling to find the comfortable spot he'd had but once he found it his body welcomed it easily. Closing his eyes he listened to the ocean so close yet so far away. He could almost see the gentle waves lapping up against the piers, could almost taste the salt on the gently breeze.

Eyes snapping open body bolting out of bed he crouched down. His breath was leaving him in harsh pants burning his chest. He searched the room one hand slowly moving to his ear piece the other his side arm. He could feel his heart beat, could feel the blood pounding through his veins.

Slowly he calmed himself slipping back his gun to it's place. There was no threat, no urgent call. Wiping his sleep weary eyes he rose up sitting heavily on the edge of the bed. With his head in his hands he scrubbed over his face. Twice in one night. It had been a while since his sleep had been disturbed that much. Normally he realized he just couldn't get to sleep. Pulling out his ear piece he spied it turning it over and over between his fingers silently contemplating. It was still a ridiculous hour to be calling anyone but he had a feeling that this particular person would be awake.

Tossing the radio down he headed to the bathroom. It was still too early to be awake he was well aware especially given how little he had left to do but his body was twitchy. The fight or flight was still in his system, still in his feet. He knew feeling like this he would find it difficult to get back to sleep and he wasn't really sure what would happen once he did. He'd had bad nights before, nightmares, relived moments he wished he could take back, losses he wished he never had to endure. But he had a feeling this was different. This wasn't his life, his mind torturing him. It was different. This was something else, someone else. This was something he couldn't bury away in the deepest recesses of his mind.

Getting up he padded to the bathroom his feet wavering off course in his haste. The light was too bright at first burning his eyes into a bleary state. Turning down the light he squinted at his reflection as he turned on the water. The cool water awoke his skin clearing the cobwebs from his mind. Looking at the face in the mirror he tried to remember when he hadn't looked so tired. There dark circles seemed to be there for good but the bloodshot eyes were new. Sighing at things he knew he couldn't change he reached for the towel wiping away the last few drops of water from his face.

It didn't take him long to slip into his uniform and be out the door. It was all second nature now. So many years in the military so many years out here.

As he stepped out of his door he stopped the doors silently closing behind him. He didn't really want to turn up at her door so early or late. He didn't have a clue as to what he would even say. 'Hi you're dreams about almost drowning are stopping me from sleeping' wasn't right. He wouldn't say that to any of his team (well maybe McKay) but most definitely not someone he barely knew. Aside from the two very short off world excursions before this he had never really spent time with the woman. Thanks to those he knew she was a workaholic like most people in the city and courtesy to the plant reaction he knew she had a killer right hook. Now he knew she was terrified of drowning. That didn't bring much of a bond aside from the literal one they were suffering from right now thanks to the ancient doohickey.

Sighing he turned on his heel heading towards the mess hall. Everyone eventually made their way there at some point. He hoped that by the time she would arrive he would have figured out something to say beyond bland pleasantries.

He was surprised by the number of people actually up but with a glance he quickly spotted who was actually on shift and who was about to finally head to bed. Making a mental note of a few faces he would mention to McKay he scanned the balcony tables pouring himself a cup of coffee. There was a man sat in the far corner head cradled in his hand fast asleep. Smirking at the state the scientists were getting themselves into he headed towards the other occupied table still baffled as to what to say.

Sitting down opposite her he was surprised by how still she was. Had her fingers not moved steadily tapping an irregular beat on the steamy cup infront of her he would have sworn she was asleep. Her eyes were closed, face turned away from him to the ocean. The breeze was toying with loose strands of hair. He quickly noticed how dishevelled she looked like everything was done with the intent of speed. Her hair was tied up but the tangles were easily seen at her nape, a jacket thrown over a crumple shirt, the collar tucked in on one side.

"I seem to be saying this a lot lately but I'm sorry." she said never moving from the sea breeze.

"Its understandable." he replied joining her staring out to the dark ocean.

"Its irrational."

"You almost drowned once, tends to stick with you."

"Seems so."

"Yeah." he was stumped. He had no idea what to say. At this point he knew he should be reassuring her but he had no clue how. Tapping his fingers on his own cup he felt the uncomfortable silence grow. He was about to open his mouth to say something, what he wasn't sure, when she turned to her cup her eyes glancing at him. Her eyes were almost as bloodshot as his own, dark circles showing just how much sleep she was getting. He couldn't help but wonder how much of it was because of this.

The sound of something smashing had them both jump quickly turning to the noise. There was a woman watching them a brief look of panic crossing her face before she bent down. He knew what that meant. There was always a rumour going around about him and somebody or something. He was honestly surprised nothing had ended up on the grape vine already about the two of them.

"Looks like there will be a few rumours about us spreading through the city." the weariness to his voice seemed strange to his ears. His thoughts were interrupted however by a snort. Looking up at her instantly curious he waited as she took a slow drink. "What's wrong? Don't want to be paired with me?"

"There's already some about us." He couldn't help but quirk his eyebrow at the half smirk. He hadn't heard a thing. "There's one where we got zapped by something Ancient and we are stuck in a mating ritual thing and we need Woolsey's permission to, you know. There's another where we switched something on that's got McKay in a fritz and you are flirting with me and ignoring him in an attempt to make him jealous. That one seems a little too far fetched for me, no offence. And the last one that I know about is we switched bodies and that's why we keep needing to go see Keller. I think that's my favourite although when I heard it there was some sex experiment that you were apparently trying to talk me into."

He knew he shouldn't be laughing but he couldn't stifle it. They were some of the most interesting ones yet. The last had to be the best out of the bunch and it was plausible given the SGCs records.

"Good huh?"

"Oh yeah. Don't think I've heard any as good as that in a while. It's not going to bother Lorne, is it?" Her puzzled look confused him. "You and him aren't...oh we thought after the plant thing that you two were."

"No it was just the reaction."

"Oh well that's good. Didn't want a pissed off Major out for my head. Or for my paperwork to magically double or anything."

"Oh so you actually know what paperwork looks like?" Chuckling at her faux shock he nodded.

"I don't know why people don't think I do any of it. I may not be in my office but I do still work. Not the only light switch anymore. Anyway Woolsey likes his forms and paperwork recording everything."

"That's bureaucrats for you."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Ok so that took me a lot longer than it should have. Life got in the way again. Ill have more up soon as my deadline is speeding up fast to greet me. Anywho hope you enjoy

*****

The lights in the infirmary were annoying. They weren't any brighter than any other given day but today they were annoying him. Everyone in the infirmary seemed set on ignore which hadn't done him any good. He'd gone on less sleep than this before but today wasn't like a normal day. Any crisis was out of his hands to the point of frustration. It wasn't like he didn't have faith in Lorne's abilities; the man had proved himself a thousand times over in the years he'd been there. It was almost easy to forget that he hadn't been there from the start but then that brought up thoughts of Ford even after all this time. His body itched to do something, to be back in the thick of it. He just didn't like not doing anything.

It had been fun at first. A chance to relax, to have a little fun doing what he never had the time to do. But it had already worn thin. Even now sitting on the bed watching nurses and doctors passing him his skin was crawling urging him to go. He didn't do nothing and being ignored by health professionals when he was there for a reason, they were there for a reason, was just tapping on his nerves.

Looking her way he wasn't surprised by where she had sat. She'd had no choice but to sit on the bed beside him but whilst he was sat at the foot of the bed she was at the head legs dangling off the other side. Her back was facing him but he didn't need to see her face. He could feel her discomfort, could feel her irritation feeding his own shortening his already short nerves. Twisting his hands in the sheets he pulled allowing the tangles to cut into his fingers the pain distracting him. Closing his eyes for a brief moment he tried to let go and relax to gain some control back but a set of hurried footsteps passing them had her anger flair and he had to twist again. Tightening his grip he heard to first signs of the fabric tearing but he didn't care.

Swallowing the lump of frustration down from his throat he tried to relax as Keller's ever smiling face came into view. She was as annoyingly chipper as always which did nothing for the growing headache searing through his head. But staring at her he could see the faint lines of exhaustion, the barely hidden dark circles. This thing wasn't just affecting him and he felt the tang of guilt for it. He had been so distracted dampening everything down he hadn't felt any of the wires being stuck to his head.

"Lets get started shall we?" Keller said as cheerfully as possible. Her voice however was heavy, clogged from too little sleep and too much coffee. Her face flushed in embarrassment. Clearing her throat behind the monitors made him quirk a smile. That was until a needle was unceremoniously stuck in his arm. Glaring at the nurse in question he was surprised to have to look up, a tall man in the place of what would normally be a petite woman. Stopping the glare he looked back to Keller as she made a strange noise.

"How have you been feeling?" she asked absent minded, her focus on the information speeding across the screens infront of her. He opened his mouth his brain automatically about to respond with his usual clipped 'fine' but was beaten to the punch. With how fast his head span he was sure he had given himself whiplash.

"I didn't sleep too well last night and my head is pounding. Seems like I'm getting more lethargic as the day wears on." He knew what was coming long before Keller moved. He watched her glance to her watch her brow furrowing before she looked up to them both the words stuck on her slightly parted lips.

"We've been up a few hours already." He supplied filling the strange void. He looked away to his puncture wound on his arm focussing on the tiny red dot more than he needed to. There was no doubt the usual disapproving look was on Keller's face as she bit her lip holding back the lecture he knew she longed to give. He had heard it before and was thankful she had all but given up on giving it. Although today most likely warranted it being given. It was barely past 0900 and they had already been awake for over five hours.

Turning back to her he tried for a smile or something along those lines to offer some kind of reassurance that they were fine. He knew it was hopeless. Keller would worry regardless but it eased his conscious just a sliver.

-----

He knew he was off duty and so did Lorne so it was a surprise when his 2iC actually came to the conference room for their monthly security meeting. Lorne had just crossed the threshold when he reached the top of the stairs. Still feeling like a true 'grumpy gills' he had taken great pleasure in watching the shocked look quickly slide behind Lorne's usual facade. But it was a good meeting. Short, sweet and to the point the upcoming holidays the actual issue. Fairness and balance was a rough mistress when everyone celebrated different things at different times.

By the time they had finished he had lost a little of his gruff edge and he was a little thankful. The headache as still there but he was surprised to find it dulled even after the meeting. He was seriously contemplating doing all meetings in jeans if they went by that easily.

The moment he stepped out of the transporter he heard McKay shouting at someone. He was a good walk from the lab and couldn't believe just how far the man's voice was carrying. Turning a corner his pace slightly more hurried he stopped as he saw them. Several feet down the narrow hallway McKay was stood practically screaming at a man. He couldn't see his face McKay's hand waving a data pad around effectively blocking his view of the man.

McKay's words became more harsh the usual questioning of the man's ancestry seemingly been and done but it was the shade of McKay's face that concerned him. Stepping closer just far enough to avoid being hit by the wavering computer he got a glimpse at who he was 'arguing' with. It took a moment for the face to register but when it did his curiosity spiked. For McKay to be berating Dr Andrews so profusely he would have had to do something profoundly wrong. His tirade however was grinding on his headache.

"McKay!" He shouted barely making the man flinch, the words still spilling from his mouth. "McKay!" He bellowed cutting him off mid sentence. McKay turned to him lips pursed together holding onto his words as his grip on the data pad went white knuckle. Andrews wisely chose that moment to disappear his feet stumbling as he made his way out of sight.

Folding his arms over his chest he raised his eyebrows silently questioning the scientist. Any minute he knew McKay would break just like he always did. With a huff McKay turned leading him into his lab some of his bluster already dissipating.

"Dr Andrews and some of his team have been working on a few things we got from the lab but all his reports are utterly useless." Seeing his 'and your point is' look he huffed thrusting the pad into his hands. Scrolling through everything he had to admit there wasn't a shred of useful information there and the few translations they had completed were complete jargon. "Apparently the only person who has been working on decoding some of the more bizarre examples of Ancient is.."

"Dr Briggs. And with her taken off duty there's no one to do it."

"Exactly." McKay agreed his face a shot if manic glee. Tapping his earpiece McKay surprised him by using a rather polite way of ordering Merry down there especially given his mood.

Sinking himself onto a nearby stool he propped his chin on his hand watching McKay huff and puff muttering to himself every now and then. It was a past time that never failed to amuse.

He wasn't sure how he felt about seeing her after how uncomfortable they had been earlier. It was nothing compared to the day before but it felt like they were relapsing, the easy camaraderie they had built gone again. The headache they had both seemed to be suffering from was just them adjusting to the new surges of chemicals and hormones. His body may have begun to adjust to it all but he still wasn't sure what he thought to it. So far the experience had been extremely disconcerting and he knew it would just get worse as time went on if he didn't control it. He'd been grateful that so far nothing of his had slipped through but he wasn't sure how long that would hold out. This whole thing needed to come to an end and ironically it seemed Merry would be the one to help.

She had barely made it to the lab when a call for security came over the radio. Blinking at McKay for a second his gaze sliding to Merry he was off out the room, McKay's calls following him down the corridor. He knew the risk he was taking but this was his city to protect. Jumping in the transporter finger prodding the screen he steeled himself. When the doors opened however he was greeted by several members of the medical team wheeling a gurney a struggling marine strapped to it. He was covered in blood his eyes wide and glazed. Waving them on he spotted several more already heading towards him boots pounding on the floor. Pulling himself as close to the wall as he could he let bed after bed pass him, several people racing along in their wake. He had no clue what was going on but seeing marines bound beaten and bloody was giving him more questions than answers.

The call for McKay came just as he was about to reach the door. His distraction at the Major's voice in his ear turned out to be a good thing. A young woman collapsed several steps from the door and she was just inside his reach. He caught her shortly before her head hit the floor. Scooping her up he stepped infront of a gurney heading towards him gently laying her down. When he looked up from her blood streaked face the medics were already closing in but he could make out McKay bustling through the crowds.

"What's going on? What do they want me for? This place looks like a bar brawl just erupted. Not quite the need for my brain."

"I don't know McKay. I've only just..." Standing in the door he took in the sight of pure carnage. Tables and chairs were thrown around, upturned and broken. The floor, the walls and almost every other surface was covered in food and blood. People were huddled around limping, cradling injuries as they looked around the mess hall in as much shock as he was.

He spotted Lorne moving tables and chairs long before McKay. Tugging on his sleeve he practically pulled McKay into his first steps into the room. It took some meandering to get to Lorne people tending to the injured blocking a lot of the clear walkways. But when they did he had to wonder how the Major was still standing. While McKay bent down to examine whatever the iPod looking thing was that the Major was pointing to he looked at the man stood beside him. He was bloody and tatty, food smeared all over his uniform. Looking back at McKay he tuned back into what he was saying.

"In the database it's mentioned several times but there weren't any working models that were recorded. It certainly explains why everyone decided to have a brawl. This is very interesting." McKay muttered to himself before darting out of the room. Looking down he noticed the device was still sat on the floor. Sharing an exasperated look with Lorne he was about to call out when McKay reappeared looking slightly flustered. The moment he was in reach he scooped up the item spinning on his heel and speeding back out again. He was spluttering about violent tendencies that he guessed was about the device.

Realising Lorne was still stood beside him wavering slightly he took hold of the situation.

"Major, go and get yourself checked out and cleaned up. I'll sort out this." He waved his hand around at the mayhem not completely sure where to start. When Lorne didn't move he looked at him partially confused partially in wonder at how he had gotten in such a state. He watched Lorne follow his gaze his own surprise at how he looked a wonderment. Silently Lorne sauntered away still looking more than a little dazed.

Scrubbing a hand over his face he looked at the disaster zone that was once the mess hall. Off duty or not this was going to take every hand he could get to put right especially if they wanted to eat this evening.

Sauntering into McKay's lab a tray of food in front of him he wasn't surprised by the sight. McKay and Zelenka were stood at the nearest desk buried in the new device. The multiple laptops and gadgets laid haphazardly on the table were pretty much normal as was the squabbling over whatever one screen was telling them. The few other desks and tables were clear aside from a short one in the furthest darkest corner. There sat Merry lit by her laptop, totally absorbed in whatever was on the screen.

Sliding the tray onto a clear space on the centre desk he pulled off a couple of sandwiches and apples returning for two muffins before clearing his throat. When McKay looked up about to snap at him he tilted his head to the tray chuckling to himself when McKay practically dove across the room to get to the rest.

Backing up not wanting to miss any of the show he sat at a free stool on the opposite side to Merry. She hadn't even looked up from the screen of her laptop. She looked like a statue sat perfectly still chin resting on her hand. Putting the sandwich packet down on the keyboard he laughed as she practically flew out of her skin.

"Colonel you nearly gave me a heart attack. Didn't your mother teach you that it's wrong?" His smile faltered for a moment like it always did but he was sure he recovered fast enough. The way she stopped however her eyes seeking his told him otherwise. When her hand left where she had clutched at her chest in shock to around his hand his whole body froze. This was the few scenarios he had dreaded. With her eyes still on his she spoke softly.

"How does he eat that fast?" Smiling at how she had swiftly moved away from a seriously uncomfortable moment to teasing McKay he hooked one finger over her hand in thanks leaning in closely.

"I think he just stops breathing but I'm not sure. Its one of the mysteries of the universe." Her faintly muffled giggle made him smile bigger. Turning his gaze to McKay who looked to be chewing at least half a sandwich he slipped his hand free opening up his pack.

"Did they say when they would be serving hot food again?" McKay asked food masking the words slightly.

"They think tomorrow evening but they aren't sure how many they will be able to seat in there. Most of the tables and chairs need repairs. There's soup." He saw Zelenka's gaze slide from him to Merry an almost exasperated look behind those glasses. He just waited knowing what was coming.

"Soup? They are serving soup as a main meal. Who on Earth has soup as a main meal. It's just another way for those, those slackers to get off easy. Soup." He finished his rant by pushing half a muffin in his mouth crossing back to his multiple laptops. Seeing Merry's incredulous look he leaned back over.

"He's very….."

"Passionate?" Mulling over her description he nodded approving it even if was a little complimentary.

When all the food was gone and Zelenka and McKay had resumed their usual bickering he decided to play a few games to pass the time. He was half way through his fourth game when he took over the large monitor behind McKay. Merry had been using it on occasion to see larger representations of the images she was looking at. He had almost completed a game in record time when it flicked to an image of what looked like Ancient text.

"Hey I was on a roll." Seeing her flustered look he felt a little of her guilt until her eyes wandered to the data pad in his hands. It quickly disappeared, a smile spreading across her face. "Ok so you're thing is a little bit more important." At her raised eyebrow he sat up straighter giving her the most charming smile he could muster. "So what is it?"

"I'm reading it wrong. I have to be."

"Why what does it say?" The image changed showing a wider shot spanning the width of a makeshift journal.

"It's a journal, a personal one. They were involved in the experiment but I'm not sure if they conducted it or were one of those experimented on. Anyway this part is talking about death and…"

"And?" He waved his hand hoping it coax it out of her especially as she seemed to get more flustered.

"And I'm sure I'm reading it wrong."

"I have faith that you are reading it right." And oddly he actually did. As embarrassed as she was he could feel the confidence, the surety.

"And sex." That surprised him. It would certainly be an unorthodox way for something to resolve itself but it was at least pleasant.

When her eyes finally slid back to him he was sure she was trying to pick something up.

"I hope you're not thinking what I think you are thinking."

"There are probably worse cures out there than that."

"Colonel are you propositioning me?"

"Nope. I would never do that."

"Oh right." She looked utterly crest fallen and suddenly he felt closed off and pushed away.

"Not that, I'm just saying, it would be." He stopped his sputtering when he saw her smiling desperately trying to hold her composure. "Oh ha ha. I deserved that."

"Too easy though." Noticing her attention swing back to her screen he tried to peer round from behind but all he could make out was a blur given the odd angle.

"Does it really mention sex?"

"Yes at least I think so. It's all getting fuzzy." Watching her viciously rub her eyes dragging her hands down her face before propping her chin on them he realised just how many hours they had been up and how many of them she had been in front of that very screen.

"Take a break. Call it a night. I don't think the bickering duo would notice if we left." He wasn't sure where the we came from and with the surprised look she gave him neither did she. But her eyes left him looking at McKay and Zelenka before settling back to her laptop.

"OK."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thank you to any and all who are reading. I hope you enjoy.

His entire body was shaking. Tremors ransacked his body as every fibre of his being screamed. The hand pulled away, his chest following it for nano second before it flopped back down to the chair. Rough hands pulled him from the seat, their grip threatening to break his withered body.

Opening his eyes he could clearly see the haze of the city's lights through his window. Groaning at the memory, or maybe the bone weary tiredness that seemed to have become permanent lately, he pushed his head into his pillow. Closing his eyes he tried to fall back asleep. But he had no luck. After flopping onto his stomach still having no luck he threw back his blankets.

He crossed the short space to the bathroom quickly even with his body aching with every step. He didn't bother with the light. Turning on the water he splashed a little on his face and neck hoping to wipe away the dream, the memory. Filling a glass he took a quick drink his eyes wandering to his reflection. His grip on the glass faltered sending it crashing onto the bathroom floor. The face that looked back at him from the mirror was old and withered, a mass of wrinkles and creases around sunken eyes and cheeks. His thick, dark hair was gone wispy white strands now patched across his head. He looked barely more than a skeleton. Disregarding the glass surrounding his bare feet he reached for the switch, the light blinding him.

Flying out of bed he stumbled in the darkness. Leaving a trail of blankets and sheets he reached out for the bathroom light before he had made it to the door. Ignoring the shot of blindness he stepped towards the mirror. His heart was pounding sweat running down his back as he looked at his unchanged face. Hs fingers brushed over his skin the familiar stubble scratching the pads of his fingers as he made sure everything was right where it should be.

Taking several deep breaths he tried to control himself. He could feel his body relax, the tension leaving his muscles but it wasn't all him, he knew that. The pain and fatigue he felt right now from the dream was nothing compared to then but it was still there reminding him. Looking at his face he took in the dark circles and decided then and there he would use his 'free time' to try and work on them. He truly had nothing else to do.

He was steps away from his bed when the whole room shuddered. The noise of an explosion followed. Heading for his radio his mind running at a mile a minute he almost stumbled as the room jolted knocking over his guitar and skateboard from where they stood in the corner. The clatter they made seemed harsh in the following silence. Tapping his earpiece he all but bellowed through it wanting answers. Were they under attack? Was there an accident? Nothing came through and he found himself beyond frustrated.

Launching into action he was dressed and out the door in moments meeting the faces of the worried occupants of the surrounding rooms. Ushering them back with a wave of his hand and a stern look he managed to clear the hallway enough to get through. He knew he had a long run ahead of himself up to the control room if the transporters were out but he had little choice.

Reaching the end of the hallway he wasn't surprised to find Lorne heading towards him his hallway clear of people.

"Sir?"

"Don't know. Comms down."

It was short, it was brief it was all they needed. Together they raced down the hall, the lights flickering occasionally as they traversed corridor after corridor. Reaching the end of one they almost barrelled into a security team as they rounded the corner.

It took a beat to recognise the man facing him but the face clicked as he opened his mouth speak.

"Sergeant?"

"Comms down, sir. Control Room repeated a series of explosions in the furthest Eastern tower before it went dead." Pulling a picture of the city in his head he figured it would be one of the quieter buildings possibly one that was predominantly storage.

"OK. Short stop at the reserve armoury. We'll leave the transporters just in case. Let's go." He was half a dozen steps down the hallway when he realised this wasn't his call. Lorne didn't seem to have any problems with it though allowing them both to slip into their usual roles. And he had never been so thankful.

Slipping through a doorway they reached for the stairway. Their boots echoed down the small space as they hammered onto the metal stairs. Five floors down and his heart was pounding steadily making him feel more alive than he had in days.

It took them longer than he thought it should to reach the reserve armoury but once inside they worked like a well oiled machine. It was a pleasant reminder as to why he loved working with these people. Each of them was as unique and quirky as could possibly be imagined but they work hard and true for their cause.

Back to the stairs faster this time, his feet moving so fast he could barely feel the tread under his boot. The steady beat of their feet was matched by his heart until he thought the whole building would vibrate along with them.

His brain had just begun to ponder the fact that no other explosions had wracked the city when the whole building shook. His body tilted forward from the force. The guide rail was coming up fast to great his face. Thankfully his hands got there, his knuckles white as they gripped stopping his feet from travelling any further. Looking up to the others he spotted two men tangled on one of the narrow landings. They saved him from calling out hopping up and closing the gap as though nothing had happened. Satisfied he led them on running harder as there became fewer and fewer floors remaining.

"Sheppard this is McKay. We've gotten communication back up and it's safe to use the transporters."

"Thanks McKay. Would have been good several floors back though." He couldn't help but needle the man, it was their way. In their own language it equalled praise. Continuing down his current flight he veered off to the right confident as to where the nearest transporter was.

Two short trips later and he was stood outside the building in question.

"The majority of the system came back online the moment after the first explosion and from what we can tell it's still working as it should. You should be relatively safe." He knew the expression that would be on McKay's face. It would be his usual confidence mixed with a blur of nerves and concern. As confident as he was McKay still hadn't adjusted to the fact people get hurt or killed regardless as to the input. There's only so much that can be done. But then even he hadn't accepted it.

Leaving half behind hidden as their cover they set off forward for the door. He was only a few feet away when another explosion hit rocking the pier with the sheer force. They all ducked down pulling a far into the wall as they could burning debris raining down on them. They were getting stronger, building in force and damage. Whatever it was they had to get up there and stop it fast.

"Sheppard the sensors aren't back up for that building but there were people in there prior to the first explosion. Two people. Don't know why they would be there at his time, its mainly storage. And there's a few offices for archaeology and anthropology and linguistics I think. Not the priority type really. Anyway the fire suppressant has initiated again so it should still be safe." He tuned most of it out screening what he said for what he needed.

Heading through the door P90 poised his flashlight cut through the darkness highlighting the smoky air. The corridor spilt, two staircases leading to different parts of the building. With a quick nod and the flick of his wrist he moved sending Lorne with one group one way himself another.

He and his team had searched through a floor and were about to step onto the next, the soot filled air suffocating, when he had to brace himself against the wall. Leaning his shoulder against the wall the rest of his body weight braced on his hip he let the others pass him sweeping through the darkness. He felt dizzy, an overwhelming confusion making his stomach churn. There was a tinge of fear there nothing like before but it was there. His vision swam for a moment the hallway doubling and then doubling again forcing him to close his eyes. Burying it with all he was worth he pushed off from the wall stepping further down the corridor when he froze. This one was different. Sorrow and grief but there was still a tinge of fear.

Feet planted firmly McKay's words echoed in his mind. This was where archaeology was. Damning his stupidity he headed for his earpiece everything suddenly making sense. Lorne however beat him to it.

"Sheppard we've found someone. Looks like he got caught in the blast."

"Understood. Lorne Dr Briggs is in here. She's afraid." He didn't know if he was projecting his own concern but the pause seemed unlike the Major.

"Understood. Lorne out"

Even though there was very little damage in the corridors and rooms they continued on. He knew the next floor ran the width of the building making it ideal to get to Lorne's side if necessary.

This floor had taken some damage buckling slightly along one wall. The windows were blown out, the heavily smoked air disappearing into the night's sky. Slowly stepping around what looked like the contents of a nearby store room his earpiece screeched into life.

"Everybody out of the building! I repeat everybody out of the building!" He couldn't deny the urgency in the man's voice. Whatever they had found was big and bad that was clear. Flicking his eyes back the way they came he knew heading towards Lorne and his team would be the fastest way out.

He was glad of the speed his team put into their feet. By the time he had reached the base of the staircase one of his men had already caught up with Lorne.

He could see the struggle as much as he could feel it. Frustration, anger and fear warred against each other as much as she fought Lorne's grip .He was upon them faster then he imagined Merry's problems taking a side step to his urgency. At just a step behind them he was pushed forward his shoulder slamming into the oncoming doorway. The force jarred his whole body making his teeth feel like they were rattling in his jaw. A wave of flames poured down the corridor scorching the walls and floor.

Forcing his feet to move he didn't allow himself time to think. They had to move and they had to move fast. He was confident that Lorne could get her out his iron grip and him dragging her down the steps a clear sign of his determination.

The stairs were shaking under the assault of their hasty retreat. The vibration was making his legs ache, each pounding step doubling the sensation. They felt rickety under his feet a moment away from crashing down upon themselves. That got him moving faster if possible his feet barely brushing the tread of the steps.

The other members of the team were already disappearing through a darkened doorway when another explosion rocked them all. Stumbling forward his feet went from under him his back greeting the edge of a step. Wincing at the pain he breathed in deeply confident nothing was seriously hurt. Kirkby was right beside him his eyes cast upwards.

Following his eye line he saw several floors up a flight of stairs swinging precariously. The two of them shared a brief look before flying to their feet leaping the last few steps. Spotting Lorne slightly slumped against a wall he pulled his shoulder launching both of them out the door.

Blinking against the dust and smoke he put his light to the doorway. Hearing the harsh crack and groan of metal he watched on as layer after layer of twisted, broken stairway filled the narrow doorway. The whole floor of the pier trembling again and again.

They moved swiftly and silently to the next building heading straight to the transporter. The only sound was Merry's hoarse coughing every steps. He didn't need to look to know there was a harsh, black cloud filling the night's sky. He could smell it and taste it threatening to suffocate him.

When they were all safe and secure in the main tower he looked at all of them. They were all covered in soot and grime, smears of it gathered around their eyes where they had tried to wipe it away. Knowing he looked just as bad and that they would all need to be checked, he sent the first half of them with Merry to the infirmary knowing from the look and sound of her she was ten times as bad as any of them could be.

Turning to his second in command he watched him stare intently out a nearby window. Focusing beyond him he realised what he was staring at. With a huge gaping hole where there had once been several offices, a stream of thick black smoke now pouring out was the building that could have claimed them. Flames flicked out of the side licking the building tarnishing its beauty. It was an image that was too familiar for his liking taking him back to those early years when they fought so hard for this city.

Feeling the frustration tickling the back of his mind he patted him on the shoulder heading towards the transporter. He didn't need to turn to know Lorne was following him. The others had already gone ahead leaving them alone in the small space and he was grateful. A small space with the heavy stench of smoke wasn't ideal even if they were only in it for a few moments.

Walking into the infirmary he wasn't surprised to see a few extra people in there aside from his own. The usual hypochondriacs were in the corner most still in their bed clothes. He wasn't sure how any of them coped out here but they did. A couple of nurses were checking out the men who seemed less than impressed with their fussing. Heading away from them towards a screened off area, a silent Lorne by his side, he almost turned around when he heard Woolsey's voice.

"What were you doing there so late? What was he doing?" He sounded his usual bureaucratic self but with an unidentifiable edge.

"Working Mr Woolsey." Her voice was muffled smothered. Stepping around the screen he realised why. She had an oxygen mask to her face, the first obvious thing they would do given the smoke inhalation.

Taking in the sight of Woolsey he had to hold in a snort. There was no chance the man had still been awake at this hour yet he stood there bright as ever in his perfectly pressed uniform. It could have well been nine am in the conference room not whatever depressing early hour it was now.

"Mr Woolsey, can this wait. I think my patient has been through enough tonight don't you?" Dr Biro's voice almost had him flying out of his skin when it rang out from behind him. Woolsey seemed a little disgruntled jerking his jacket down with a soft pull.

"Yes well. We will continue this in the morning." With a brief nod in their direction he disappeared no doubt heading back to bed.

Feeling her relief at him being gone ebbing away at his mood he looked to Dr Biro hoping for some kind of information.

"Colonel, Major have you been checked over?" Trying not to smirk at how direct she was being he smiled as best he could manage hoping it showed none of what he thought.

"Only just got here Doc. How's everyone?"

"Minor smoke inhalation, some bruises. This one however, I'm surprised you're even conscious Dr Briggs." Raising his eyebrows at Biro's bluntness he glanced at Merry, her dirty hands holding the mask to her face. She looked OK if the soot was ignored. "She took a nasty bump to the back of the head and her O2 stats are way to low. Looks like you're staying with us until the morning." With a pat to Merry's leg she walked away looking at the data a nurse passed her.

"Get yourself checked Major and head to bed. We'll debrief sometime in the morning." Accepting the short nod he watched Lorne until he disappeared from sight before hopping onto the bed beside hers. She was starting to look as tired as he felt. Or he felt as tired as she was. The thing was too confusing for him but he as sure it was growing. Unclipping his P90 double then triple checking the safety he laid it on the end of the bed, shrugging out of the vest before lying that down next to it.

He could hear the short, coarse breaths echoing inside the small mask. She didn't look uncomfortable or in any kind of pain.

"So how come you were down there"

"Couldn't sleep so I went to do some work."

"Sorry." Scratching the back of his head he looked away. Embarrassed and feeling awkward at having done what he had tried not to do he fumbled slightly at what to say. But she saved him. He guessed she picked something up.

"Isn't that my line?" It was difficult to see the small smile with the mask in the way but as she pulled it away it left her face. "Dr Francis was heading to one of the storage rooms as I headed to my office. I'd just turned on my laptop when something hit me and everything went black." He could feel her fighting for breath as much as he could see it. His own heart rate had doubled its pace giving him a strange light headed feeling. After a few breaths with the mask back in place she looked set to continue but that was when McKay whizzed around the curtain.

"I've sent a team down to deal with everything in the building. So far the reports say the building is safe structurally even with the big hole. So what was it? Sabotage?" He watched McKay's eyes flicker back and forth between them.

"The Halareas artefact. Dr Francis took all three pieces out."

"What!"

"He'd told me not long after we brought it back that he doubted it actually did what the records said it did but I never thought that he would….." He could hear Biro's clucking long before he saw her, her hand swiftly lifting the oxygen mask back into place before disappearing again.

"I thought one piece was at the Alpha site?" He was completely confused. He knew which artefact it was and how dangerous it was which was why he had ordered a piece sent away from Atlantis.

"It had to be brought back here after the fire that the marines caused to test it."

"It should have destroyed itself now or disabled itself otherwise it would still be going. The unique energy signature draws the pieces together like magnets. Once together the power builds until it explodes. The containment power grows after each explosion leading to the next explosion to be larger in force. The explosion itself actually powers the small shield it creates. It's ingenius really if a little deadly." Staring at him in complete disbelief at the man's blatant understatement he was glad to see him wither. "Yes, well anyway important work to do and um." With a brief flurry of his hands he was gone only to reappear a moment later. "Woolsey will have you're head for going down there whilst off duty." And then he scarpered again. Knowing McKay was saving his 'what were you thinking' rant for later he smiled to himself before lying back on the bed. Propping his still booted feet on his vest he adjusted the pillows before turning to meet her questioning gaze.

"What are you doing, Colonel?"

"Keeping you company. So what were you going to work on?" Her face flushed. He was beginning to think it was a look he liked on her. He noticed she took a few breaths before she answered.

"I don't know."

"You don't know. You went all the way down there to work but you don't know what on." Her embarrassment brought colour to his own cheeks, his laughter merging with hers until she erupted in a coughing fit.

The rest of the night was peaceful and relaxed. Only the interruptions of the nurses checking her and the shower they both took to erase the night's events broke the steady stream of conversation. He talked a lot about really random things. He told her about skateboarding in the city, golfing off one of the balconies and the buoys that they still hadn't put out yet and she told him about rock climbing which he found surprising.

He'd been explaining why he no longer played poker with anyone in the city after she explained why someone nicknamed her Indiana Jane on her first job when he noticed how relaxed he felt. Looking over to her bed he saw she had drifted to sleep on her side, the deep breaths she was now taking a harsh contrast to just a few hours before. He could feel it in his own chest but instead of being concerned for himself and her it gave him an odd sense of reassurance that she was ok.

Watching her for a few moments he found himself glad that the awkwardness they had experienced after her accident had faded. He couldn't blame her for what happened. A phobia was a phobia and in the laws of Pegasus she would become trapped and almost drowned whilst connected to him. It was just how it worked. But somehow they had found a strange flirtatious companionship that he had to admit he enjoyed.

Ignoring the flicker of worry over how much this connection was growing he sank deeper into the pillows allowing himself some rest.


	8. Chapter 8

When he woke it was slow and gradual. The low lighting drifted across his closed eyes slowly leading him away from slumber. As he opened his eyes a view that was too familiar for his liking came into focus. Blinking once, twice he slowly turned his head greeting a sleepy gaze with one of his own. He probably looked about as dishevelled as she did.

Smiling back at her he stretched his legs out the crack of a knee making him wince. Relaxing back into the pillows he took a deep breath slowly releasing it as his body melted a little more into the bed. Looking back to her he saw the colour back in her cheeks, the oxygen assistance completely gone. There was a dreamy, half awake smile still on her face. She looked good, better than good. The few feet of space between the beds actually seemed too much.

"Good morning Colonel."

"Didn't I tell you to call me John?"

"Sorry, John." The way she said his name was soft almost a sigh wrapped up in her still sleepy state. It sent a shiver down his spine. Not seeing any reaction from her he grinned feeling rather smug.

"See it's not difficult. You have everyone call you Merry."

"But I'm not the military commander of the city. That deserves respect."

"So you can't respect me if you call me John?"

"That's no what I meant."

"No no you don't respect me. That's fine _Dr _Briggs. Oof!" He didn't even spot the movement before the pillow hit him in the face. Pulling it away he peered over at her. Her body was trembling as she desperately held on to her amusement.

Oh you think that's funny huh?"

"Yes. Lt Colonel John Sheppard military commander defeated by a pillow."

Sliding slowly to a seated position he slipped from the bed his bare feet meeting the cold floor suddenly. Ignoring the cold he kept his on eye on her surprised when she made no attempt to move. Keeping one hand on the tossed pillow he stepped forward leaving a tiny space between himself and her bed. She didn't move. If anything she looked overly confident.

"Defeated huh?" Swinging his arm around he brought the pillow down only to miss as she turned away falling back to lie on the pillow. Feeling a playful note inside him he pulled on the edge he still had a grip on. Tugging he expected to pull it free but instead threw her off the bed. She somehow managed to get a hold of him stopping herself tumbling. Dropping the pillow he gripped her arms helping her back onto the bed aware of how warm she was through the thin scrubs. Her hands left a burning trail down his arms as she slipped free from his grip. His body wanted to react to put her hands back on him and bring back that sensation but his brain sparked up stopping him.

Hearing Dr Biro's voice he stepped back allowing her to get to the bed narrowly avoiding being barrelled over. Sitting back down on his bed he began slowly pulling on his boots one ear on their conversation. Now that the moment was over he felt a little more than awkward.

"So how do we feel this morning? Still having any problems?"

"No. My chest feel OK my throat isn't scratchy anymore and my headache is gone."

That made him suddenly think. His headache had gone. He actually felt more like himself for a change. As horrific as some of the incidents had been he almost felt a loss. Shrugging it off he lifted his vest and P90 leaving the pair with a small smile one he was glad to see returned.

Woolsey hadn't been all that forgiving when he finally tracked him down. The lecture that he thought would never end had thankfully ended. He hadn't expected Woolsey to understand his reasons for taking action. In the time he had been there he had understood his ways needed to bend and change but there were many things he didn't think Woolsey would ever get.

He had been allowed to know what had happened in the least. What Merry had said had been true. It was a test to disprove what the ruins had said about the device. The limited garbled images on the handful of security cameras even showed Dr Francis entering Merry's office moments after she did for only few seconds. It wasn't conclusive but it cleared her and unfortunately implicated the whole thing on Francis.

Still contemplating the crack pots that the city seemed to be taking on more and more frequently he turned into the mess hall not surprised at how few tables there were. Large numbers huddled around short tables. , some eating leaning on pillars or the wall.

In the corner surrounding a table that was just a touch too sort were his team, each one a little more squashed than normal, impeding on each others personal space. Not that it turned into anything new for them.

He looked around at them all and couldn't help feeling envious. He was happy for them he truly was. They were his family and if anyone deserved to have something in this life it was them.

Teyla had suffered her whole life losing everything to the Wraith but pure joy on her face as Torren tried to feed himself his breakfast (and failing) seemed to erase all of the pain and tension that her body held. Motherhood suited her not at he ever doubted it would.

McKay was sat beside her somehow holding down a conversation with Keller with a mouthful of food from her plate. He still hadn't figured those two out. They were obviously happy and the less he though about it the less his head hurt.

Ronon and Amelia finished the table, the two of them having their own silent conversation whilst playing with Torren. Ronon was probably the one who had changed the most, bringing a woman into his life more than enough testament to that. He had lost the most to the Wraith both in people and in himself leaving him with only the drive to pay them back. That drive was still there, he saw it in him in every battle, every fight but now there was something else, another purpose: a life.

He wasn't the same man that stepped through the gate on a supposed one way trip he was well aware of that. So many things had happened, he had done so many things, and lost so many people that it had changed him. As much as this city, these people had given him purpose again, for which he was eternally grateful, he wasn't sure that like them he had moved forward. He wasn't sure that he wanted someone in his life, someone to come back to, even a family of his own. It would be a high risk to possibly put them in danger through association with him. He carried enough on his shoulders without carrying a loved one aswell. There was plenty of companionship here for him but he ached for something.

Shaking away his maudlin thoughts he headed to their table greeting them with a smile when they all looked up.

"No Dr Briggs this morning?"

"No McKay. Why would there be?"

"You two just seem to be spending a lot of time together. One of the nurses said you stayed with her in the infirmary all night." Ignoring any of the man's implications he reached for his coffee cup.

"She's in your lab finishing the translation."

"Do you know she finished 2/3 of the translation in just a few hours? I'm telling you a mind like that is wasted in that department. I could use someone like her instead of that useless bunch of fools." He couldn't let this opportunity pass by.

"She would be as good as you, maybe even better." That stopped a forkful of egg halfway into McKay's mouth. Biting into a piece of fruit he waited for when the penny would drop.

"I doubt my level but maybe Zelenka." Now that didn't surprise him.

"You got a thing for Merry, McKay?" Catching Keller's eyes he winked letting her know he was pulling McKay's leg. _Let the spluttering begin. _He thought.

"What no that's just." Seeing it finally dawn on him he couldn't not laugh along with everyone. "Yes haha. You know we completely forgot she was there." He motioned with his knife as he spoke already lifting a fully laden fork to his mouth.

"That's not a surprise." Ronon's gruff voice was a surprise from his right the man's eyes never leaving Torren.

"Hey I can be very observant thank you. She just didn't move or make any noise."

"That's because you and Zelenka were making plenty. I'm surprised she got any work done."

"Well at least we figured out the thing and have it locked away."

"What is it?" He asked lifting another piece of fruit. He didn't know why but none of the varieties he had tasted sweet enough for his liking. It seemed strange until he remembered Merry had a sweet tooth. And had most likely skipped breakfast.

"Put simply it's a mood changer or regulator. It emit's a sound at a certain frequency which elicits a response from the human mind. The one we have can work on different frequencies but is jammed on one which resulted in the marines going berserk and attacking everyone."

"So someone brought I back?"

"Yes. Lorne's looking into it. Its stowed away now safely locked away. It's slowed down the work into what's going on with you though."

"I'm fine."

"You'd say that if your arm was falling off. Thankfully Merry is a good patient. She actually tells me things." Looking at her he found himself wondering if she would start picking up McKay's traits to add to her burgeoning repertoire.

"She certainly understands the situation that you have found yourselves. She has been very compliant to all demands."

As if sensing his mother's distraction Torren tossed his spoon at McKay leaving a splodge of porridge on his sleeve.

"Hey" The whole table laughed at McKay. Torren suddenly got all the attention he wanted and more as he was praised and chastised. As the fussing and playful banter barrelled on no one seemed to notice that he gradually grew quieter and quieter. Looking from face to face each one smiling he smiled. They were his family even the new faces. To keep them happy like this he would sacrifice his own a thousand times over.

As everyone slowly broke away heading off to do whatever they were doing he refilled his cup sitting back at their table. He knew he must have looked strange sitting at such a large table alone but the other's presence was still there.

Basking in the light mood they had all been in he looked out at the ocean. Cooler temperatures had set in some time back and today the ocean looked more energetic, grey waves churning into another. He was used to the cool calm blue but somehow this felt right. This world was showing a different side of itself like he was being shown a new piece of himself.

He didn't know how long he had sat there lost in the view when a body slid in across from him. Even if it wasn't for the large shadow that was cast on him he would have known who it was.

"What are you doing later?"

"I've got to go see the Doc. Get wired up." He waggled his finger at his head hoping that helped.

"After?"

"Nothing."

"Spar?" Pondering to himself for a moment he decided.

"Yeah sounds good."

"Thought you would have some pent up energy."

"Too much I think. Surprised you have any." That got him a large toothy grin the likes of which he didn't think he had ever seen.

"I'm good. So you and the Doc?"

"Not you aswell"

"Couldn't help it." And he can't help but return Ronon's smile as he got up and left. It's too rare and too infectious.

He wasn't sure how long after Ronon left that he sat there again watching the city the people slowly pass through the morning. It had felt like no time at all which was strange. Normally it would be sleep and/or being knocked unconscious that would make him lose track of time this much.

It took a moment or two of staring, watching her hips sashay as she moved before he looked up feeling a little guilty.

"Here you are Col, John." He smirked at her slip taking a mouthful of coffee to disguise it. "We have an appointment with Dr Keller. Or we did ten minutes ago."

Swinging up out of his seat he stood just a hair's breadth away from her. He was so close he could make out the flecks of hazel in her eyes, the few tiny freckles on her nose.

"Better not keep her waiting then huh?" Gesturing for her to go first he watched her walk away. Shaking his head to loosen the thoughts he set off after her, his longer legs catching up to her easily. Walking so close beside her he noticed just how much shorter than him she was. An image of her walking alongside Ronon entered his mind. Snorting he tried to mentally shake it free only to realise the hilarity between Teyla and Ronon's height.

"Care to share it the class?" Trying his best to smother it knowing he'd never he able to look at Teyla again if he didn't, he put all his attention on her. She was watching him trying to figure him out. Clearing his throat he tried to hide the amusement from his voice.

"It's uh, its nothing." Clearing his throat again he could feel her eyes on him.

"OK. You seem in an awfully good mood." Raising one eyebrow he questioned her comment wordlessly. "Given the circumstances I mean."

"Do you mean us or…"

"Either, both take your pick."

"Well yesterday was…well yesterday. I was, I don't want to say normal because it isn't but." Shrugging off the last of the sentence he slowed his pace noting he was getting a little ahead of her. "And us well I'm still. This is strange even for me." Turning through the infirmary doors they continued to walk side by side until they reached 'their' beds. Had he been further away he would never have caught her mumbling.

"Not so much for me."

Those words were still annoying him hours later as he stretched. The muscles in his legs had started aching from last night's activities the burning sensation from racing down all those stairs too familiar. Watching Ronon shift and move so easily his body limber he was reminded of the fact he was younger than him by a fair way. It was one of the reasons he told himself that it made it less effort for Ronon to beat him. But he still gives his all.

As he got more and more into the swing of it, when he found his groove he upped the power. The crack of wood on wood echoes around him over and over but he's focussed on Ronon. Ronon smirks as he goes to block his head shot only to get caught in the ribs instead. Twisting around he took a cautious stand knowing the next shot coming his way is going to hurt. He sees Ronon's body twist and knows he's going elaborate, a big outer swoop to catch his knee so it's easy to block. He ducks down around the elbow coming to his face managing to catch Ronon on the back. He'd not had a run of luck against Ronon in heaven knows how long.

"You hurt?"

"No why?" Smug and satisfied at Ronon's reply he tried for a casual response.

"No reason."

Ronon worked him harder after that the Satedan's skill showing more and more as the strikes became faster, the combinations more intricate. They pushed each other travelling across the mat over and over as they each took upper hand. Both his and Ronon's shirts had been tossed aside a while ago, the sweat running down his back making it nothing but impeding. That was when he had locked the door. Part of him didn't want to be disturbed because this was too much fun, too much of a challenge. He couldn't remember the last time he had worked this hard. Ever. And if the look of pure enjoyment on Ronon's face was anything to go by he wasn't the only one having fun.

The other reason was that they were both now half naked and there were levels of sharing that he just didn't want to enter with the any number of people who could step through the door. So when twenty minutes later he heard the door open and close he felt more than a little annoyed resulting in him failing to block Ronon's blow to his arm. The clatter of wood echoed through the silent room as his stick rolled along the ancient floor.

Shaking out his arm as best he could he tried to ignore just how much it stung looking around for where his stick had landed. He wasn't going to look at who had interrupted them especially since they hadn't made their presence known.

Reaching for the wooden object his eyes caught sight of bare feet and he couldn't help but continue up. Tight dark jeans encased shapely legs, a simple black tank top keeping to the shapely lines. It was only when he reached the face, Merry's face eyes looking slightly wild that he realised what his sparring would have done to her.

"I'm." He stopped when she held up her hand almost looking like she was tying to find her breath.

"It's fine. I'm more than OK with it. I'm actually glad you're doing this and not what I thought you might be doing. He couldn't help but be smug at the insinuation even more when he heard Ronon's chuckle from behind.

"Mind if I stay?" He glanced to Ronon getting a non committal shrug that was betrayed by his smile. Looking back to her ready to answer he just caught the tail end of her eyes raking over him.

"Sure." He answered looking straight into blown pupils.

Heading back to the mat he noticed she hadn't moved from her spot by the door. Swinging and twisting he tried to loosen up his arm ignoring the twang of pain when he moved a certain way. He was sure that would look spectacular by the morning.

They went on some time longer her presence almost completely forgotten. It was when the room was cast with an orange glow that came from more than the stained glass that they had slowed, the pace set for cooling down. By the time they headed towards their bags he had become aware of how damp the last of his clothing was, how strong the smell of sweat was in the air.

Drinking the last of one water bottle he quickly reached for another. The dark spot in the corner caught his attention drawing his eyes over her. Merry was leaning against the corner everything about her posture saying relaxed and calm. But he could see the control she had over her breathing each intake precise, the slight sheen of her skin. The adrenalin, the endorphins, the sheer thrill of the fight had all gotten to her and she was struggling to keep control.

Pulling his t-shirt over his head, the damp fabric barely registering as it touched his sweat soaked skin; he didn't notice Ronon stood at the door waiting for him to open it.

"Sheppard." Tossing down the bottle he had in his hand he headed over swiftly unlocking it letting the smug Satedan leave. "Good workout." He called out just before the doors closed on his figure gradually disappearing from sight.

Turning his attention back to her his body further away than he would like he realized her breathing wasn't getting any better. Her whole body was against the wall, arms by her sides palms flat straining to stay still. Stepping closer seeing her breath hitch he leaned down putting his face level with hers.

"Open your eyes."

"No."

"Merry look at me."

As she slowly opened her eyes gradually meeting his own he took in the glazed look. She looked high. He knew what she had wanted to do the moment she had walked through the door, what everything he had pushed on her regardless of Keller telling them the connection had stabilized was making her want to do.

He could feel it. His blood raced through his veins his heart pounding and it had nothing to do with the workout. Body burning pulsing with the need to just touch her he placed a hand on the wall either side of her head. It was as close as he dared. Whether it was his own reaction or feedback from her he knew he couldn't take advantage but her body kept swaying towards him slightly before she would force it back, an invisible magnetic force pulling them closer.

He hadn't realised how much they had leaned in, how the space had virtually disappeared between them until he felt her hot breath against his lips. When her tongue swept out over her lips the tip just grazed his own pulling a groan from somewhere deep in his chest. Lost, drowning in a sea of lust he tried to bottle it tried to think of anything to curb the drive to touch her.

When his ears picked up the faintest sound he opened them not aware of when he closed them. As close as he was he couldn't make out the words crossing her lips but he could feel some of the control coming back. Thinking of schedules and requisition forms and the routine for cleaning a 9mm he felt the edge dwindle enough for him to rein his body in thankful the physical side had already diminished. It was only when he felt her head fall into his chest that his eyes pulled away from a spot on the wall.

"You're too much, you know that." Before he knew what he was doing he pulled her in closer his arms wrapping around her back.

"Well I've had a few women comment but…"At her light laugh everything lightened more.

Feeling her hands slide up his chest he though she was rekindling things and he felt his resolve begin to crumble. Raising her head one hand cupped his cheek thumb stroking gently. When he felt her body lift up her weight balanced with the hand remaining on his chest he tensed not knowing what she was planning. The soft press of her lips on the corner of his own sent a spark through his veins. Ignoring the urge to turn his head and capture her lips with his own, to plunder and enjoy he let out a sigh grasping the hand on his chest.

"Thankyou. You're a good man John." He wasn't really sure what she was thanking him for but he had enough sense in him to manage a small smile as she slowly stepped away from him. Still holding her hand he reached for the door mechanism his eyes never leaving her. Even when the doors opened he couldn't take his eyes from her or pull back his hand.

"Goodnight John." Her voice was nothing but a soft whisper her bare feet silent as they moved her away

"Goodnight Merry." When she had stepped too far away her hand slipping out of his she turned slowly walking down the corridor.

Rubbing his hands over his face and hair he sighed, his mind in a tangle. Mental shaking himself he gathered up his bag doing his best to ignore everything bubbling beneath the surface.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: OK so this is my naughty chapter for Sheppard but it has a twist. If its something you don't like to read them consider yourself forewarned however you could read the next chapters without it and still know what's going on, it as something I did on purpose.

His name was a husky whisper in his ear before teeth bit down. He hissed both in pain and in pleasure shivers running through him as a tongue traced the outer shell. Lace covered breasts grazed his chest and belly as she slid down teeth nipping, tormenting. As her tongue traced his belly button her eyes fixed on his he couldn't stop the slight thrust of is hips. She was so close it was driving him nuts.

The strained groan that left him as her tongue circled him caught in his throat as she brought her mouth around him. Sucking ever so slightly, her tongue dipping down the underside she continued to torture him, her movements slow and precise. She took him deeper, her heading bobbing again and again. Her white blond hair tickled his balls and thigh the sensation so different from the hot suction surrounding him.

He was almost there, the sight of her working him, her perky breasts bouncing as she moved just spurring him on. Hips thrusting, his body took over aching for more for release.

But her mouth suddenly left him. With groan of frustration he looked down. His breath caught in his chest. Gone was the white blond hair and icy blue eyes. Mind scrambling to understand he watched mesmerised by green eyes as she crawled up his body her movements almost feline. Her long dark hair brushed over him making his body shudder. Staying perfectly still he gulped in lungful of air, eyes running over her bare figure.

Staring up into her eyes her body held over his knees holding his hips he tried to swallow down the guilt. His body was well aware of the naked flesh hovering so close and his mind knew who it was and urged him to act. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was too caught up in the tsunami of lust and want.

As one of her hands reached up moving her hair to one shoulder he looked down her slender neck to the barely contained breasts overflowing from the lace bra. He could see the faintest edge of pink nipple straining the fabric.

Mouth watering hands itching to touch he felt his body stirring, hardening. Lowering down her mouth grazed his placing a feather like kiss either side of his mouth. His name caught his ears just before his heart started pounding. Her petite hand wrapped around him working him slowly building back what he had lost. Feeling the slight twist of her wrist something snapped. Threading his hands into her hair he yanked her down mouth crushing hers tongues warring but he wanted more. To touch to taste.

Flipping them over he instantly felt the loss of her grip making his teeth clench. Resting between her thighs he slowed their kiss breaking it to kiss and taste. He couldn't contain his smirk when he found a spot on her neck that made her gasp. Biting down on it ever so gently he was surprised by her hips grinding into his. Moving down to her luscious breasts he kissed the swell of one his hand toying with the other. The rough lace scratched his tongue as he worked her nipple through the fabric sucking the tender flesh. Her hands found their way into his hair her nails scratching in time with her moans.

Swapping sides his other hand massaged its way down her body searching. His thumb lightly circled her nub fingers hunting for more. She was wet and ready for him, her hips grinding down when he sank one finger in closely followed by another. Her gasp was swallowed by his harsh kiss her hand wrapping around his wrist , desperate.

Driving his fingers deep and hard he stopped the movement of his thumb. Her growl of frustration was cut of as he traced the lightest touch over the little bundle of nerves with his tongue. Lapping and sucking he worked in another finer feeling her tension as her muscles clenched around him. Soft curses escaped her as he sucked harder, her nails scratching his shoulders. Thighs quivering, back arched a strangled cry of his name tore from her throat as she came.

He lightened his touch as she rode through the aftershocks each one bringing a whimper across her lips. Having one last taste enjoying the wave it sent through her he rose up sinking into her. Staying perfectly still his weight held on his elbows he felt her muscles flutter and quiver. She felt like ecstasy, so tight and wet, but he needed more. Feeling her hips buck into his he took it as a sign pulling back only to drive back to the hilt again and again the pace agonisingly slow.

As her legs wrapped around his waist hips meeting every thrust he almost lost his rhythm as her hand grasped his ass pulling him harder. Her strangled whisper of 'harder' at his ear followed by the almost desperate plea of 'please' did him in. Pushig his body harder, faster hi picked up the pace lifting one leg from his waist to over his shoulder.

Her body was tightening coiling his open until he was teetering on the edge. It took a hard thrust and the nip of teeth on her neck to throw her over his own body crashing with her. The room was filled with his curses mingled with her cries.

Still buried deep within her every flutter of her body around him had his eyes rolling back. He was still hard the release hadn't been enough. Rising up on his knees body still joined with hers he pulled her deep into his lap. As her eyes flew open a moan on her lips he lifted her up sinking himself deeper. They moaned together when her hips began to grind into his.

As her hips rocked her hands travelled up his arms leaving a blazing trail that burnt right into his belly. His own hands wandered enjoying ever silken inch his mouth kissing, tasting every inch he could reach. The change in the texture had him puzzled until he traced a line running across one side of her back: a scar. His mind turned to mush as she sank down harder the curse that left him tinged with a grunt. He wanted the feeling again his hand slipping down her back to her ass groping as he pulled her onto him harder. Her head flew back exposing her skin to him again. Nipping the flushed skin soothing with his tongue he growled in frustration as the pace stayed slow.

He wanted more and he wanted it now. The friction just wasn't enough. Kissing is way to her ear he brushed the hair aside whispering instructions. Circling the shell with his tongue he nipped at the flesh when she didn't move.

She was on all fours before he could blink. Plunging in deep his body shuddered. His pace was hard and fast furiously pounding the sound of skin hitting skin filling his ears. He almost fell onto her when she dropped her front back arching. He sank deeper her body bucking against him. His pulse as racing begging in action what she was in words.

His nerves were overloading a searing pain mixing with the overwhelming pleasure. What was once her name was now nothing more than grunts and groans.

As his body careened over everything froze, every muscle locked as his body erupted. His hips moved of their own accord desperately trying to pull every last moment he could get. When her body held his in its iron grip as she came he kept on coming. His body was so tense, every muscle so tight he couldn't draw a breath. Collapsing back spots filling his vision he didn't know he had pulled her with him until the bed bounced beside him.

Bodies entwined in a sweaty sticky mess he gasped as the tingling sensations coursed through his sated body. Looking over to her seeing her flushed skin, her relaxed body draped against his he couldn't help the full satisfied grin that crossed his face.

He had needed that much more than he had realised and given her enthusiasm he guessed the same was true for her.

Her touch drew him from his musings her fingers circling his nipple. His oversensitive skin made it feel so good a gentle caress. Unconsciously he traced his fingers down her spine the soft hum of pleasure making his skin vibrate.

His body was sailing drifting off into pleasant slumber.

"Did I break you John?" Her voice was low and sultry at his ear her breath blowing against him. His brain could barely make his mouth move a strange sound the only thing passing his unmoving lips.

"Speechless? Must have been awhile." The vibration of her voice jolted his body her lips just barely touching his skin. "Let's see what we can do about that, shall we?"

The harsh scrape of teeth over his shoulder was an exquisite pain. Her sweat slick body was sliding over his slowly moving down torturing him. His mind begged for it to stop but his body sang for more.

"Isn't this where we started John?" The nip at his hip had him jerking her tongue soothing over the skin as she slipped further the steady weight of her breasts on his thigh. Feeling her blow cool air over him making him twitch he looked down caught in fascination. He hadn't expected to see those green eyes watching him the playful gleam easy to see. Each playful nip, each tongue lapping kiss was everywhere but where he wanted her to be. He had recovered quickly, quicker than he expected and was now swollen, burning for another release that she was denying him.

"Merry." It was a growl and a bark mixed with a warning even to his own ears. The sly look she gave him however told him he had played into her hands but the moment that sweet mouth wrapped around him he didn't care. The hard suction the pressure of her swirling tongue wrapping around him had him racing to the finish. His whole body was trembling his thighs shaking under her hand. He was going crazy. Threading his hand into her hair he felt the silky strands wrap around his fingers, the ends now tickling his balls as she bobbed.

Everytime she moved up her hand chasing her mouth he had to quench the urge to shift his hips to push himself back deep. His hand tightened as he began to spiral. Her name was soon tangled in curses and prayers to deities he wasn't sure he believed in.

Mind spinning he looked down watching her lap at him, her pink tongue overloading his senses as she brought him back to full hardness again. He hadn't reacted like this in years, the speed, the ferocity of his recovery making him feel like a horny teenager again.

His eyes wer riveted to her tongue the tip peaking out from between her lips to pull at her top lip. So fixated on them, on the glistening seep of her tongue he never realsed she had moved until he felt her wet heat againt his thigh. The push of her hips into his thigh was almost lost as he watched her hand travel up her body cupping her breasts before they slipped behind her. As the lace went slack he was there mouth suckling at the tender flesh, kneading.

Evey gasp, every whimper spurred him on wanting to torment her as much as she had him. Even with everything he was doing she managed to surprise him. Her hands were in his hair pulling him closer but then one sat at his neck. When her thumb pushed in his whole body pulsed in pleasure. Her sounds changed her hips grinding into him when he bit a little too hard. The hard push of her thumb on that spot again almost had him white out in pleasure.

Grasping a leg he pulled her fully onto his lap sinking himself fully into her. The moan was mutual his 'sweet fuck' muffled by her nipple.

The wet heat, the incredible tightness and those magical hands working wonders on his neck were matched by an urgent, almost frantic pace. Every thrust was met by one of his own. It was hard and rough and everything he wanted. Nails were digging into his shoulders, cutting into his skin but the sting just added to the desperate nature of the a sloppy, all tongue kiss he moved to her ear his voice hoarse."Come for me Merry." The moment the words left his mouth her head dropped eyes flitting sound he made as she clenched around him taking him with her could only be described as primal. Something inside him broke, the rush so sudden so violent he felt it down to his toes. He thought he would explode. The tendons in his arms and neck were strained as he pumped his hips a few more his panting breath calmed, his overloaded nerves now numb he took one last kiss, glad she looked as satisfied as she felt, before falling back to the bed."Colonel Sheppard and Dr Briggs to the conference room."Groaning at the too loud voice he sat up staring at his empty quarters. Flopping back onto his pillow he covered his face with his hands."It was all a dream."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: This is a shorter one than recently I think but it twists from the previous. You don't have to read the previous chapter to know what happened. I think this chapter could pretty much fill in the blanks.

I'd like to thank all those who are reading and say thank you again for the reviews. They are a lovely thing to find in my inbox even if it takes me a while to have the nerve to open them.

He knew he was going the wrong way but he had to do this. His body was still relaxed, sated to an extreme level from the activities in his dream. As he laid there in his bed he hadn't realised how much his body had been stimulated along with his mind until he moved. Regardless to the fact he was completely alone he felt as embarrassed as he did as a teenager after a wet dream.

Taking the last stretch of corridor at a light jog he slowed down several feet from her door suddenly second guessing whether he should do this. Knowing it was the right thing to do the thing he had to do he stepped forward. With a deep breath he rang the door chime waiting not too patiently for a minute. Glancing up and down the hallway he was glad to see the majority of people were passing by paying him no heed. The last thing he needed was an audience if this blew up in his face.

Feeling a touch of anger mixed in with frustration he guessed she was in there no doubt rushing to get ready to go to the conference room. He rang it again. When she still didn't answer he made the chime ring out over and over and over finding some amusement in just how rattled she was becoming.

When the door did open he would have laughed at how flustered she was but the look she gave him was followed by a sly smile. He felt her eyes drag over him before coming back to his face. When she stepped back from the door walking into her quarters he took it as permission to enter. Sparing a quick almost nervous glance up and down the hallway again he stepped forward. It was only as he turned from watching the doors close behind him that he realised she wasn't wearing a great deal. Dressed only in a short robe, one which left her shapely legs almost completely exposed, she moved around her quarters. He knew how they felt, how smooth the skin was. The feel of her was still on his fingertips the nerves buzzing at the thrill. Swallowing the lump that formed in his throat he stared rooted to the spot as she dug through drawers.

Oblivious to him or the way she was dressed she moved from drawer to drawer having to bend more each time bringing the hem of the gown up. When he saw her stop hands resting on a low drawer front he froze. A thousand things flitted through his mind seeing her stood like that bent over at the waist. The deep breath that pushed her chest out was to calm the effect he was having on her he knew that but when she blew out he got a peak of flesh though the gaping neck line and his mind was lost.

"You're not going to make it out of here alive if you don't stop." Feeling smug at just how husky her voice sounded he couldn't help but bait her.

"You let me in. Dressed like that no less." The sight of her stood in that thin blue robe hands on hips was almost comical had it not been for the expanse of inner thigh he could see.

"I thought you might want to talk." Turning she grasped a few things from the top drawer slipping it closed. As she span to head to the bathroom the robe billowed out showing him everything to the small of her back. Biting his lip to stop the groan from escaping he looked to the window, to the history books on the shelves, anything to clear his lust crazed mind.

"What do you want to talk about?" He was trying for innocent but was sure that the cocky tone to his voice was spoiling it. Sitting on her neatly made bed he looked up at the doorway when he saw her head poke out.

"I think you know what I'm talking about." Her smile matched his as she disappeared from sight again.

"How much did you, you know?"

The silence from the other room had him thinking she hadn't heard him. Thinking he should ask again he opened his mouth at the precise moment she stepped back through the doorway fully clothed. His mouth stayed slack at the sight of her in another pair of tight jeans, a form fitting t shirt hugging every curve and swell.

"How much do you think? I thought when you were in the gym you were with someone but then last night. That was a trip. I think I prefer nights like last night." Watching her quickly comb through her damp hair tying it back he got a sneak peak of her lower back as her shirt rode up. Seeing the pale white scar running across he smiled knowing she had been there as much as he had. "Mind if I ask who she was?" Blinking at the question his mind fumbled.

"Sorry." He wasn't sure what she meant and he was sure he looked as baffled as he felt.

"The one you were with last night. The one who rocked your world. Do I know her?" The question shook his insides swallowing up very last drop of want. She didn't know. All she had done was enjoyed the ride on his wave of lust. The truth sat on the tip of his tongue desperately wanting to be spoken but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Erm, yes. I think you do know her. I'm sorry though for well…"

"Dragging me along? Don't worry about it. I had fun, lots and lots of fun." Laughing along with her knowing more than she would know he got up walking to her door just a step ahead of her. He started an easy pace down the hallway the occasional person passing.

"You know there will be even more rumours about us now with you coming out of my quarters looking like that."

He didn't hear what she was saying. He was caught in a moment staring at her neck. It was that spot, the one that had her make the most extraordinary sounds. The way her skin tasted, the way her skin had smelled were stuck spinning around his head. He couldn't shake them loose. It was only when he felt himself being pulled, a gentle touch on his arm guiding him away from the hallway that he broke through it. He was still hazy but quickly realised he was outside. The cold breeze quickly stole what little warmth he had. Two small warm hands gripped his face forcing him to look, to focus. Merry's lips were moving but he couldn't hear it, all he could do was watch mesmerised as they moved almost in slow motion.

Reacting just as his mind screamed at him to he reached for her. Gripping the back of her head fingers threading into her hair he pulled her forward his mouth covering hers. Her body fit against him her sharp intake of breath pushing her chest to his. She was warm and soft against him, around him. His heart rate doubled trying to match hers. In that one moment she was everything and nothing, an extension of him that had his blood set to boil.

A jolt of anxiety hit him like a bucket of ice cold water. Letting her go he snapped back almost losing his balance. Doubled over his mind racing as fast as his heart he tried to gather his thoughts. His eyes were focussed now but his vision wasn't clear. Her saw her as she was gripping the railings as she tried to gain control. Her chest rose and fell over and over, panting. Lips red and swollen her fingers grazed over them as she stared unfocused over his shoulder.

Standing up he paced walking to the other side of the balcony. Resting his weight on the railings he looked out to the city waiting for a calm he wasn't sure would come. And there it was, the shock and disbelief as everything sank in for her. He didn't turn around, couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead his grip on the railing turned his knuckles white, his whole hand locking as he squeezed tighter.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He could feel the uncertainty as much as he could hear it. He couldn't answer. Not only did he have no clue what to say, what excuses to make that wouldn't sound hollow even to his own ears but the pain and the guilt that he could feel weren't his own. Keller had told them the link was diminishing, that they would feel less of each other but right now it was strong, stronger than it had been up to now.

"You could have said something. We were just… You let me…" Her silence after that would have been welcome had it not felt so lonely. As much as it wasn't real he had felt unburdened the whole time they had been together. He still felt it now. One night of craziness had undone years worth of damage to him. He knew it wouldn't last, that it would either creep back to him slowly until he couldn't remember being without it or it would smash back leaving him broken but it was welcome reprieve.

He stiffened when she joined him at the railing her shoulder brushing against him. Almost his entire right side was touching her and it took everything in him to fight his nature to pull away. The warmth was rather pleasant on such a chilly day. There were a multitude of things she could do right now. Feeling her body trembling against him her hands tightening on the railing he looked at her face. He could barely see anything but what he could see was scrunched up. He braced himself fully expecting tears only he heard the muffled sounds of laughter.

Leaning over the edge he caught sight of her face. Her lips were pressed together as she desperately tried to stifle her amusement. He could feel the bubble inside him swelling but he still had no clue just what was so funny.

"What are you laughing at?" He could hear the laughter in his voice.

"Oh I'm sorry. Its just it would only happened to you wouldn't it. A great night like that and it wasn't even…" She just collapsed in a heap the peals of laughter finally escaping as she held onto the rails for balance the ending to her sentence lost.

Scratching his stubble he could see the absolute absurdity of the situation. As it sank in more and more he felt his own amusement mingle with the bubble until it popped leaving him laughing along with her. He could feel his chest urging him to breathe more but he couldn't. The laughter just kept coming and coming until his face was burning. He was doubled over head buried against his arm on the railing in no time.

He was trying to stop laughing but the more he tried to stop the more difficult it became. His every attempt made Merry erupt in even more laughter which sent him further until they were both knelt on the floor tears pouring down their faces.

It was Woolsey's voice coming through his ear that sobered them both a little. Forcing himself to take deep breaths he listened as the man's annoyed voice came over his earpiece again and again.

"Yes Mr Woolsey."

"You were due to be at a meeting forty five minutes ago."

"We're on our way Mr Woolsey." And with that he closed the connection his lip curling until he looked down at Merry. Every breath was released in a sigh the occasion chuckle escaping as she wiped her face.

Slowly getting up he offered her his hand making short work of lifting her frame from the cold balcony floor. He may have over compensated slightly sending her tumbling into him. There positions mirrored one another both heads hung down, their hands gripping the forearms of the other.

"So what do we do?"

"How about we chalk it up as a great ride in this mad little thing we have going here." He returned her smile the meaning in her words not lost on him. Letting her pull away the cold breeze chilled where her heat had just been. He watched her walk on slightly unsteady legs pausing when she reached the door. Meeting her gaze he knew that the twinkle he could see from this distance meant trouble.

"Are you coming, John?" Groaning at her choice of words he walked forward quickly joining her in the hallway, their pace fast.

They were the last to come into the conference room but that had been no real surprise. At an hour after they had been summoned walking in as casually as they did was not quite the best way. Woolsey had remained straight faced as ever but the lines around his eyes told a different story.

Taking his usual seat beside Woolsey, Lorne to his other side, he glanced around the room. His team were scattered out as usual both Teyla and Ronon taking up spots on the other side with Rodney, Zelenka and the Doc closing of the other end. There was no one out of the ordinary aside from the obvious person who was sat almost opposite him. He couldn't look at her. He was biting back a smile just thinking about her and he knew he would come undone, collapsing back into uncontrollable laughter if he did.

"Well now the two of you have joined us we'll get started. Dr McKay, Dr Keller."

"As you know I've been looking at the device and the schematics in the files. There is no way to reverse the machine. It just isn't built to work both ways. In order for us to do it we would have to essentially build another."

"By the time Dr McKay and Dr Zelenka would have done that the link should be gone. The daily scans we have taken of both Colonel Sheppard and Dr Briggs have shown that despite them both being ATA gene carriers they haven't been affected to the extent the Ancients were." That had him glance to Merry her face easy to read. She looked as surprised as he was given just how much the two of them had been connected.

"The scans clearly show that the link between them is slowly diminishing. Their own personal patterns are slowly returning taking over from the shared artificial ones. They should be back to their old selves in a few days." Keller's delicate smile was thrown his way a slight knowing look to her eye.

"That's not to say that the recent events haven't been troubling particularly when we uncovered one piece of information." McKay paused whether to add more suspense to what he was about to reveal or whether to gather the nerve to say what he was about to. All it appeared to do was irritate everyone more.

"As we searched through the files we found something. Two subjects, one was a lab tech, the other an administrator of sorts. During an experiment the lab tech was injured, badly. The administrator collapsed at his desk."

"The severity of her injuries put her into a coma with him closely following until she succumbed to the damage her body had sustained. When she died so did he. It was the reason they shut down the experiment." He sat waiting for the last bit of their little tag team speech although his mind had already pieced together what was going on. He felt eyes on him and turned to find Merry watching him her eyes full of apology.

"Now taking into consideration their connection is not as fully developed as it should be and that the scans have shown that what they have is depleting we're not completely sure what would happen to one if something severe happened to the other but." Keller hesitated looking back and forth between Merry and himself her fingers nervously toying with the edge of her data pad.

"But?"

"But if Colonel Self Sacrifice here gets himself into trouble she could end up dead."


	11. Chapter 11

McKay's words were still ringing around his head. After what had happened when she had almost drowned he believed there was trouble for them if they weren't careful, link depleting or not.

And it was because of that thought going over and over in his mind that he had locked himself in his quarters. With a stack of magazines and a play list as long as his arm he hoped he could see this out as quickly as possible. The looks on every one of the faces in that room had burnt into his mind. Each of them had been concerned with a mix of disbelief, upset, even anger tossed in. This was more than just the Ancients playing around to better themselves. This was another thing they should have destroyed.

He'd sat with his headphones in his hands, the unopened magazine sat beside him for some time waiting for his door to chime. He knew it would and knew exactly who it would be. Looking at the door he almost willed for it to chime signalling his guest. As if on cue the chime did sound ringing around the room. Placing the headphones down beside his laptop he quickly crossed to the door opening it in time to find Merry with her hand poised over the door control looking beyond stunned.

He glanced at the door control giving it a questioning glance. Shaking off the shiver that raced down his spine he returned her awkward smile walking away from the door. The moment was so similar to just a few hours ago their roles reversed. He shifted the stack of magazines from his comfy chair offering her somewhere to sit whilst he pulled out his desk chair sitting himself closely to her.

"I thought Dr McKay was lying to me when he said you had locked yourself away."

"You went to see McKay?" He was purely shocked. The two of them could become volatile together under the circumstances and that was a scary thought.

"Yeah. I wanted to look over the files."

"Bet he took that well."

"There was some shouting and some name calling. He had a few things to say as well." He snorted at that. The image of the two of them bickering toe to toe was easy to conjure up. He didn't doubt for a moment that Zelenka'd had a ball watching the two of them unaware of the fact they looked the same when they fought.

"What is it with you two?" Her laugh was light and genuine.

"I don't know. I think I remind him of Dr Jackson. Not sure whether to feel complimented or insulted."

"That's a McKay compliment."

"You think?"

"I know." The heavy silence that came after that was hard. He didn't want this discussion. He was more than happy to brush it under the carpet and forget about it but he wasn't really sure just what she wanted. There was no clear feeling from her just a giant never ending tangle that was warping with his own. These were the conversations he wanted to avoid, the moments he was desperate to never happen."If we're going to have this conversation I need a drink."

Getting up he crossed to the small fridge in the corner pulling out three bottles before letting the door close itself. Passing her a bottle he was surprised to see her accept it taking a mouthful instantly."We could ignore it. I'm all for ignoring it." She took another drink her eyes looking everywhere but him.

Sitting heavily in his chair he found himself doing the same. Downing one bottle he opened another taking a more reserved drink before setting his elbows on his knees leaning his body towards hers. He turned the bottle around and around his eyes focussed on the label's design."I'm good at that." He was still looking at the bottle avoiding looking at her. He would have to he knew that but the longer he could put it off the better.

"I know." His eyes broke away from the bottle watching her stare out of the window. With the angle of her head and the dwindling light from outside he could see the dark circles under her eyes that she had hidden so well. He didn't know why she wouldn't have been sleeping to that extent. Some of his dreams would have inevitably crossed to her, they had proved that last night but she looked weary much more than she should, the light greying her skin.

Mind chasing after thoughts he wondered if it was possible he had sent her more than he realised, that his own self had crossed to her. His emotions were bottled up tight the thought of them free, threatening to overpower him was a nightmare he wasn't ready to present to himself. Nor did he want to have everything psychoanalysed, something she would no doubt do. They were all just best kept the way that they are.

Her gaze became faraway, distant as though losing herself in something other than the clouds that were filling the sky. Her fingers raked through her hair, loose tendrils catching as they were pulled back exposing her full face and neck to the dull light. There on her face he saw the guilt, the pain and the sadness that he had denied existed inside of him. That weariness that he denied existed in every scrap of him was in every line of her face. There plain as day was his proof.

"You carry a lot of guilt, John. I don't know what it's from but there's a lot of it. I'm sure if I asked people they would all tell me a different story. A loss, something that went wrong, something you had to do." Had the room not been so still he was sure he wouldn't have heard a single word that left her mouth. The words were almost not meant to be heard but desperately needed to be spoken."The first time I felt it I thought I was still in that crevice, the water pushing into me, trapping me, stopping me from breathing. It was so intense I thought something had happened but you had just been sat in the mess hall having breakfast."

"But that was nothing to the pain. That was so strong it crippled me. I collapsed in a heap beside my bed. There was this huge gaping hole in my chest that ached so much. I couldn't feel my heart beating, I didn't even know if I was breathing. I was too scared to move. Just thinking about moving terrified me because I thought it would make the pain worse and I wasn't sure I could take anymore." He could hear and feel how breathless she was getting just speaking about it his own chest pinching a fraction. Right along with her he could feel it all, the feelings too familiar not to.

He watched her take a drink the movement slow, precise her throat exposed as she swallowed. Her eyes fell to the bottle, fingers picking at the edges. Eyes transfixed he almost missed the fact she was speaking again. "It faded though. Left me a tear soaked mess on the floor but it went away. I couldn't make it through that little bit of time. You get up everyday with that. I don't know how the hell you do but I think the city is still here because you do." He wasn't sure why but he reached out his thumb wiping away a tear that had broken free all the feeling slipping away as the wetness touched his thumb's pad.

For some reason everything he thought would happen, everything he thought he would feel when he realized she had seen inside of him just wasn't there. He didn't know what was there. He had no clue how to feel. To hear it all spoken aloud by someone else, someone who could actually feel it was bizarre and a little unnerving but at the same time he found himself slightly awed. She had felt it all and never said anything. Never confronted him or tattled behind his back. All she had done was tucked it aside."I."

"We all carry things, John. Thing people don't understand things that would probably be healthier to deal with and move on but they become part of you. They're almost security against everything. Without them we wouldn't be who we are now."The way she looked at him red rimmed eyes full of anguish, swirling her beer around he knew what else she had felt, what she knew. His stomach clenched, his heart threatening to stop with every breaking beat. When she stood delicately placing the bottle on the shelf beside her chair, he felt himself stiffen. He wasn't sure what she was going to do and right at this moment the thought of her touching him made him want to move to the other side of the room, to the other side of the city. His whole being threatened to shatter with just one move.

But she passed him by, close enough to have his back straighten even more but still safely enough away. Whether that was for her or for him he didn't know. Silently she made her way to the door. There wasn't even the faintest rustle of her clothing. Later he might wonder who taught her to do that but right now he was holding on too tightly.

As the doors opened he waited, breath held in his chest, for the signal that she was gone. Back still to the door he tilted his head able to see her body silhouetted with the light from the hallway. He wasn't sure what she was waiting for but he needed her to move, to leave.

"I." He could feel how much she needed to say whatever it was. He only hoped it wasn't what he thought it could be. "I don't know who it was but I… I hope there was some happiness there for you to make it worth it."

As the doors closed shutting out the light the bottle slipped from his fingers the small amount of beer spilling out onto the floor as the bottle danced. He stared at it feeling like his insides were doing the same. He hadn't needed to see her or even have the link to know how upset she had been, how much saying those words out loud had hurt her as much as they had hurt him. Reaching for the bottle he gripped the neck in his fingertips a few droplets landing on his fingers as he lifted it up, the puddle forgotten.

He couldn't think of her. Didn't want to think about the chances he had lost as the years had rolled along. It hurt now as much as it at hurt then, memories slipping through his fingers, opportunities now lost to the wind. If he thought about it too much happiness would always seem out of reach. The image of her happy, smiling would always stab at his heart but he knew it was his own fault. He was the one who waited, who held back when he should have reached forward and taken what he wanted. Now his hands were empty, unable to grasp her for himself. Now he had a hollow part of himself that would sit and wait for her to come and fill it.

Taking a deep breath he banished away the thoughts relishing the lightness in his chest for as brief as it was there. Slumping back in the chair letting his head fall back eyes falling shut. Every inch of his body was battling itself. Each part wanted to melt away into a lump to not rise from that spot until everything was over and done with. But the other side was warring with thoughts and emotions unleashed by just a few softly spoken words. That part was tense and hard, coiled around itself until it imploded into nothingness.

Forcing himself up he caught himself as the chair rolled back. He could feel the battle still raging on his mind fighting for clarity with each breath pushed into his lungs. His gaze was fixed on his hand watching his thumb scratch into the label until he reached the bottle beneath. Watching the tendons flex under his skin the haunting image of his hand being gone flickered in his mind.

Still staring at the balding bottle he replayed that whole day in his head. The freedom of the flight even with the never ending botany chatter that even now made his head ache with all the Latin, with the now obvious one sided flirting that quickly turned to disappointment becoming what was still the day from hell. Being tormented and beaten by an enemy long thought dead had made him question himself, question his sanity for a heart beat before he felt the fist connect with his cheek. Beyond that had been the pain of failure to protect his charges before his own physical torture began. It was almost a reprieve to have the outside match the inside. The pain hadn't quite lived up to the soul crushing one that he carried inside until _that_ moment.

When he saw what Koyla was intending to do he felt everything crash in on him. He was still challenging him, mentally goading him even though he knew it would mean an end to everything that he held close, everything that had value. His career, flying, the city but most of all the dysfunctional group he called family would all be gone yet some tiny speck of him welcomed it. Some miniscule part of him thought it was justified, that somehow the physical loss would account for something, anything that he kept buried deep within. That all the guilt and anguish and torment would be accounted for, that every loss and failure could be seen by all allowing him to just let go, to no longer feel smothered by the blame. Above all else he felt like he deserved it.

Listening to the AIs words stood up on the cliff top his hand miraculously never lost he had been at a loss. The thought that he had chosen to torture himself in such a brutal way, to have forced upon himself the destruction of his whole life left him baffled. He was still slightly confused by it. For a few days he mulled over what had happened but inevitably it had been locked away. Until now apparently.

The built up resentment and anger at himself, at the Sakaris for their games, at that smug look on Koyla's face exploded in his chest. He was up on his feet the bottle leaving his hand heading towards the wall with every ounce of strength in him. The sound of the bottle crashing into the wall did nothing to soothe him. The sweet clinking of the shards hitting the furniture and floor smashing further filled the room for a few brief moments until the silence took over once again.

Stood looking at the wall he tried to calm his thundering heart. His whole body was moving with every panting breath he took rocking him as he stood poised. He shuffled his feet intent on throwing himself down into a chair but the scraping sound of glass shards moving together made him stop. Looking down he was transfixed by the coloured pieces each one catching the faint light just a touch.

With a sigh born of a weariness he hated he walked over to his boots ignoring the pinch of broken glass into his bare feet. He wanted out of that room, away to somewhere he could lose himself or maybe find himself again.

A/N: So even though I had decided to take a break until the baby is born I've still been working on this hoping to give my Swiss cheese brain something to do. This is what came from it. I'm still not fully happy with it and I've found myself questioning why I started writing it in the first place. I'm partially blaming my hormones and the rest I'm laying at the door of not having fully completed it before I started posting, something I'm not keen on doing.

I was going to save this so I had a buffer for myself but since today is my due date and I'm feeling odd about it I decided it couldn't hurt.

Thank you to anyone still reading. I'm making no promises but one way or another this thing will come to an end. Thank you again


	12. Chapter 12

Hallways had a tendency to look the same when you were trying to get lost. The colours, the lights, the patterns all looked the same if you weren't paying attention. It was only when he found himself passing the same combination of chair, plant and open doorway time and time again that he stopped. There was the occasional person passing which wasn't unusual given the mid- afternoon hour but no one disturbed him. No one even gave him a second glance as he stood there looking around at the hallway time and time again. He didn't have to think. Despite the chill air coming through the open door he moved forward onto one of the smallest balconies he thought he had ever seen in the city.

It wasn't difficult to spot the figure in the small space nor was it difficult for him to recognise her. She was slumped over the railing in a posture he had never seen her in. He wanted to leave, to turn on his heel and set about righting his world but he couldn't make himself move. Even now frustrated to the point of madness he felt a pull like being near her would solve everything. Stepping forward one silent footstep followed by another and another he came up beside her a safe distance between them.

Not unlike some of the balconies he had stood in there was a good view of the city but what was unique was the clear passage between two of the piers giving them an unobstructed view of the sea and sky. It was unusual for a balcony so hidden to have such clear views. It wasn't much to see right now. The whole thing was a giant mass of grey. The white tipped waves lapping at the city mirrored the peak of white on the occasional cloud when the gusts of wind pulled them apart. It seemed the weather had become as unsettled as he was.

Time stood still as he gazed out at the city. Most of the city had no clue what was going on as they normally did. It was one of the reasons the gossip grapevine ran so fast and so strongly. For a brief moment he envied them. They all had worries and fears; all had responsibilities within the city but none like his. He found himself craving generic duty and the chance to just blend in. But then thoughts of flying the jumpers, the thrill of first encounters and his team race across his mind and he realised he couldn't be _that_ man. It wasn't just the adrenalin rush, although what pilot would deny loving that, it was the sense of doing something even if it was babysitting botanists or mad hatter physicists. It was moving forward, doing the right thing putting right a struggle that should have ended generations ago.

A gust of ice cold wind blew towards them pulling a dark cloud across the horizon with it. It looked so much like it did in the first great storm that they'd had back in the first year, back on the old planet. That thought brought a sting. The people he had lost, the people he had let down. It still burned, still ached in his chest when he thought of the what ifs. He knew it changed nothing but he couldn't allow himself to stop.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…I just…We could." Her voice broke as a tide of guilt and regret washed over him. He figured his own inner turmoil had kept it all at bay until now.

That dark cloud caught his eye again, its looming presence making part of the ocean look dark and menacing. There were a dozen things he could say but none of them seemed right, none of them felt genuine that they were something he would actually say. He had known sat in the infirmary afterwards that this was bad. With a simple press of their palms onto a grotty old console he had put his life into someone else's hands. He just couldn't shake the uncomfortable squirm his insides made whenever he thought of it.

Staying perfect silent he stayed still staring out. A small voice inside of him said she would understand, that after all that, after everything that had been said the fact he was here willingly was his forgiveness. When words failed him he took action and this was his action. He just hoped that she understood it also came as his own apology.

When words that weren't bland or awkward finally slipped themselves into his mind he was shocked to discover her gone. Disappointed at her disappearance he looked back to the city knowing full well he had to get moving. He had watched the cloud travel across the sea taking up position on the edges of the city poised to unleash its attack of foul weather upon them like the dark ld in him. Not knowing how his silence must have looked to her but completely sure it was anything but positive and reassuring he turned around leaning his back against the railing. Crossing his arms he sighed feeling the ice cold of his bare flesh against his warm chest.

He was about to move to head back into the city to reclaim the heat he had lost when his eyes fell to a small box. It was sat leaning against the rail where she had stood, it's vibrant red such a contrast to the dull colours and light. Bending he lifted it up his cold stiff body protesting. There was no label, no sign as to who it was for but it wasn't sealed either. Removing the lid he peaked inside just a touch. A smile touched his lips when he spotted the contents, the tubes of paint leaving no doubt as to just who the box was meant for.

Sparing one last look over his shoulder to the looming cloud he turned away. The haze hadn't completely gone but thankfully was now just leaving his head in a spin, a throb beginning behind his eyes. Pushing away from the railing he forced one foot in front of the other as he made his way through the city. Each step took him further away from the darkness but the hollow was still knawing at his insides. The mistakes and the fallen would always be waiting on the edges to wreak havoc on his mind, body and soul most likely for all eternity. He just hoped he could keep it at bay for as long as possible.

xXxXx

He wandered through the city again for hours quietly leaving that little red box in front of his second in command's door as he travelled. His mind was still too much of a mess to attempt an early night and with his less than stellar concentration there was no chance of him being able to do anything. The thought of any kind of company was most definitely no where on his want list.

Reaching a particular hallway junction his feet took on a mind of their own travelling through doorways, stairwells and junctions on a well worn path. He didn't pay any attention his mind playing over a thousand different things. With each thought each image or feeling his gut would twist and tighten. When he was alone at the end of the pier staring at the still darkening sky he was glad of the silence. Nothing reached him from the city. His ear piece was off, the weight of it comforting but from Merry there was nothing.

With a shuddering breath he sat down on the edge. His mind ran to the last time he had sat here the proverbial cloud over his head, over _their_ heads. He had almost lost another member of his family then. Now sitting here alone, the lights of the city beaming behind him it wasn't someone else in their family who was at risk, it was him. Yet his concern was with Merry. This tangled web that they had created around each other had become thicker, binding them so far apart and yet skin to skin. He couldn't help but care. She hadn't asked for this. He wasn't one for putting himself first but this was just as much about him as it was her. Now he couldn't seem to straighten his head to function properly his throbbing headache making things worse.

Resting back the floor bitterly cold against his hands as he propped up his weight he tried to put himself back together. How could one person stir everything up? How could one person shake up his insides and undo what he had spent years tucking away?

Emotions old and new bubbled along his skin leaving a ripple at his core. He had come to realise he carried not only the things that went wrong but also the ones that went right. Even when things went the way they should there were consequences. His cocky laid back nature even now would be a front, a protection because the cocky fly boy just saw a landscape and coordinates. He didn't see the ground like the troops did safely tucked away in the cockpit but that didn't mean he didn't know what he was part of. It didn't mean that there was no guilt.

The memories and images spilled on twisting and torturing his insides as they left the uncorked bottle inside him. Each time he pushed something back trying to forget it would trickle out again, threatening him again.

It was too much for one man. He was surprised there was any part of him left inside. There had been a few he had known that had buckled under the knowledge of missions gone right, the darkness of taking lives too much to carry festering inside of them until they had broken. They hadn't done the wrong thing, not like him. Time and time again he failed leaving a trail of death and destruction behind him. He'd had failures that were closer to home, to his heart. Mitch and Dex, friends he lost in Afghan courtesy of an RPG their laid back fun lost in a blink, Holland the one he let down when he tried to rescue him damning them both in the process. Ford the impressionable young officer determined to prove himself to his CO to the point of his death. Even in his twisted, deluded plans that had put so many at risk there had been a stroke of ingenuity that he should have been praised for. Instead he had chastised the young man ordering him to go home. He may aswell have killed him with his own hands his meagre attempts pushing him further into lunacy.

Carson was one that held a peculiar sting. Even though he had been retuned to them in another form he should have made the stubborn doctor see sense in the first place. He should have made him understand the risks he was taking, should have put in protocols to allow him to override the doctor's codes or maybe even persuade him to just let the experts in. The explosion would have been contained, controlled. He wouldn't have seen Carson's mother break as the coffin passed her by.

But it was Elizabeth that hurt the most. He didn't lose her once.

The first time didn't begin with the Asuran weapon but with the SGC stirring up a wasps nest. The whole scenario was because of the SGC not listening and she paid the price, Atlantis paid the price. The anger he had put on McKay for activating the nanites for making her that way as displaced. He was angry at himself, was still angry. He just hadn't done enough.

But she was back and held in her the chance they needed to survive again. He had let it happen. And even when he had the success in his hands he had been greedy and reached out for more. A new weapon against the Wraith using the Ancients own design that he knew would save lives. But it cost hers. He should have known it wasn't that simple. He should have disobeyed her order. He had done it before but that tiny voice in the back of his mind backed up the look that she gave him: One for the many. His feet had carried him away his heart begging him to go back.

Why couldn't he have had both? Why did he let McKay talk him into it in the first place? They had what they needed they should have just gone. But the temptation of saving lives was too much and it had cost so many more.

Then she was back again. He had doubted at first the face the voice so different but she had begun to win him over. The thought of having her back was overwhelming but it had been tainted by ulterior motives. The city and his people were at risk because of them, because of what she had done. Watching her willingly step through the gate to an eternal demise had answered any doubts. Grief long since buried resurfaced. His friend was returned and then lost. This time there had been little else he could o but watch but that didn't stop the swell of guilt yet again.

Then there was Michael and the Attero device and a dozen other things he probably never even realised. He awoke the Wraith, he gave the order to set the Asurans out into the galaxy, he allowed Michael to live, he didn't stop the rogue Asgard fast enough. He was responsible for every nameless, faceless person that lost their life.

The guilt flowed through him surrounding him like a cocoon suffocating him. Slipping his eyes closed the cloudy sky disappearing into his mind he took a deep breath pushing it out slowly until his chest held nothing. Continuing to breathe deep he felt his body relax nerves tingling sending his fingertips numb. The feeling travelled taking over his fingers then his hands. Inch by inch his body succumbed his strength drifting off into the dusk. His eyes opened as his body slumped back his arms incapable of holding his weight any longer.

Staring up at the sky the pain in his head grew. Each pulse pushed out harder and harder tearing at his mind. The pain ran deeper making him squint as it scratched at his eyes. He was flooded with emotion each one piling on top of the next until he felt like he could explode. From bitter tasting jealousy to the blood boiling anger, a volume of happiness that felt foreign, his body was soon overwhelmed. The pain reached down from his mind gripping his heart clenching around each pounding beat. His back arched as the pain tore at his chest ripping through him.

He wanted to claw at his face, to yank his hair, to do something to relieve the pain. He wanted to scream. The scream that erupted from his throat filling the quiet, dusk air was raw and guttural, animalistic as it ripped at his throat. The noise seemed neverending to his ears, the pain in his throat adding to the pressure in his head.A scorching heat erupted in his chest searing through flesh electrifying very nerve as it whizzed through his body. Tremors chased after the heat, starting from his arms spreading throughout sending his body into convulsions. His head banged into the hard floor creating a beat around the throbbing could feel his body moving the hard floor of the pier suddenly gone leaving him surrounded by air. The air was short lived however soon replaced by the bone chilling sea. The water wrapped around him filling his vision with it's murky darkness. The pain intensified the cold doubling it further. Aching muscles, burning nerves and pulsing pain encompassed his world until it pushed him over, his eyes rolling back into his head as unconsciousness claimed him.


	13. Chapter 13

There were noises around him pulling at him, calling him to wake up. They were distant at first but gradually the noises swooped in surrounding him. Hushed whispers and beeps and whooshes of air filled his ears filling him. He jolted as a hand touched him. It took a moment of staring at Teyla's face before came into focus. Along with it was a view he was too accustomed to: the infirmary ceiling. Something tugged at his head. Looking up at his hairline his eyes straining he spotted the blurry edges of the coloured wires stuck to his head. Groaning he let her help him sit up his whole body feeling sore and weak.

With a little help from Teyla he was soon dewired. The exertion from just the simple movement of his arms left him straining for breath. He felt winded, more like he had run a marathon than just lifted his hands to his head. He tried to hide it but the concerned cast of Teyla's eyes told him he wasn't doing a very good job. Looking around he spotted the privacy screen blocking a large portion of the infirmary from view. Straining his ears he tried to find just how busy it was but there was nothing over the usual noises.

"Jennifer made sure to keep everyone way. You both seemed to need the rest." His head span to look at Teyla the world continuing to move when he stopped disorientating him for a moment.

"Both?"

"Yes." Following her pointed look at the privacy screen he easily spotted the large screen displaying swirls of colour on a map of a brain. Beginning to get up intent on checking on her he fell back with a thump another pillow now under his head. Teyla's hand was burning through the thin scrubs to his skin below the pressure enough to hold him back. Looking to her face he decided not to argue after seeing the determined look. It was however coloured with understanding and compassion. "Let me."

Slowly she made her way around the bed her head disappearing through the gap. He could hear a muffled conversation between herself and someone unseen whom he thought would be Merry before the screen was folded away. Sat like him propped up by a dozen pillows was a tired looking Merry. She still had the wires around her head creating a colourful halo against her pale skin.

The moment their eyes met he knew something was different. He was sure that even from the short distance there was sadness in her eyes but he couldn't feel it. A realisation dawned on him as he searched for anything that didn't feel like his own. His insides didn't feel like they were tied in knots anymore but that wasn't the feeling he was looking for.

Seeming to sense that they needed a moment Teyla stepped away making the excuse of finding Jennifer.

"Are you OK?" He inwardly grimaced at the words as they tumbled out sure they sounded as generic as they felt.

"I'm fine Colonel." He bristled at her calling him Colonel the familiarity gone.

"Good, good." Stuck for what to say he let the silence enfold them. He looked around glancing through the tiny gaps hoping to catch a glimpse of Teyla and the Doctor but could only see blue slivers of the infirmary. Catching movement beside him he watched her settle back into the pillows. She should have looked relaxed but her body was rigid a complete contrast to his own. He wasn't sure if it was because of how lethargic he felt but his whole body was pliant to the point where he was surprised he was awake. His ponderings were cut short by an overly cheerful voice that cut through his brain like a razorblade.

"Colonel, Dr Briggs I'm glad you see your both awake. I'm guessing Colonel you have the same headache that Dr Briggs has, am I right?" Nodding slowly he offered a small smile in Merry's direction knowing if he was in this much pain then surely so should she. "I thought so. Well that should pass soon. Like when your bodies were adjusting to the change in chemicals as the link grew you now have the headaches because those levels are gone. Your body is in withdrawal."

"Wait. The link is gone? Completely?"

"From what both of your scans show, yes. There was a small blip on yours Colonel but that should go back to normal in a day or so. Other than that you are perfectly fine. It seems your tumble into the sea did you no harm."

"I what? When? What happened?"

"I don't remember much. My hands and arms started trembling and then I woke up here. It came from you so…" He knew he was staring but he could seem to stop himself. He had no clue what she was talking about. His last memory was being sat on the end of the pier. To have no memory of it and to know whatever had happened had passed to her he knew it had to have been severe. He found himself being thankful that even if his worse thought that the link could kill them they had come out h other side of it. Unable to draw his eyes away from Merry he tried to listen to what Keller was saying slowly forcing his head to turn away.

"I'm going to keep you here for a few more hours just for observation. We're still not sure exactly what we're dealing with so I don't want any surprises. Anything you want to ask?" Shaking his head he could see in the corner of his eye that she was doing the same. "Ok well get some rest and we'll see how you're doing in a couple of hours then." She turned to leave her steps faltering slightly as Teyla joined her leaving him with a nod and a smile.

The rustling of sheets had him turning to Merry a little too fast and he couldn't hide the wince as the pain pulled and stretched before settling back to its heavy ache. He wanted to say something but she had turned away, her back now facing him. Knowing she had settled down most likely to sleep he slumped down smushing his pillows as he did intent on doing the same. He was too tired to attempt an escape, the urge for once gone.

He'd stared at the ceiling for hours waiting for sleep to take him but it never did. His mind just ran in circles leaving him more confused. For a while the soft breathing from the bed beside him had lulled him into a trance like state his body reaching for slumber but it faded when he heard her mumble something before turning to face him. Her soft face was relaxed and content and he found himself searching deep down for any sign of it but it really was gone. Sighing he closed his eyes praying for sleep.

Sleep never came but after Keller's poking and prodding he found he was granted his escape with a list of conditions a mile long. Ironically there were two points he was intent on following; food and sleep. Both sounded fantastic to him and with the company of his friends it was going to be great.

Teyla had met him at the infirmary fetching him some clean clothes. His energy had spiked as he showered and changed the hot water starting to rejuvenate his sore muscles. They had walked in comfortable silence through the hallways and corridors and he had enjoyed it. Nothing was on his mind and the more he walked the more his body seemed to wake up taking some of the soreness with it. By the time he reached the mess hall he was loose limbed and feeling good. The tension had gone from his back leaving him to slouch into his normal posture.

Gathering some food he followed Teyla through the crowds finding Ronon's head as they drew near. They were already well into their dinner neither of them sparing a glance as they joined them. Sitting beside Ronon he looked around. It was a good place to sit away from much of the hustle and bustle but still deep in the depths of the space.

Joining them in eating he devoured half his food in no time flat. The taste and the warmth were everything he needed the food gently settling in his stomach. The noise of the mess hall was doing nothing good for his headache but it was a pain he could manage. Feeling his team's gaze on him he stabbed into some more food giving it a couple of chews before loading up more. Their attention dimmed and he felt himself relax a little.

"So what have I missed?"

"Very little. Torren has stopped saying certain words for which I am eternally grateful. He has however become fascinated with my bantos rods." He could miss the direct way her gaze shifted over to Ronon.

"Never too young."

"Ronon he can barely walk."

"He just holds it. I'm not teaching him to fight. McKay is giving his science lessons." He stifled his chuckle as McKay's head flew up eyes widening when he realised he could face Teyla's wrath.

"Not really lessons just sounding out ideas to him. He's a little to young for those kinds of equations. He needs to build up from the basic math first."

"Maybe Torren should start speaking in sentences before you guys start putting him training."

"Are you kidding? Sampers and Wilkinson wet home and the people I've got in their pace are complete baboons. Torren is a super genius compared to them. They are supposed to be helping improve our power situation . I wouldn't trust them to pick their own noses properly." He smiled knowing how much he was exaggerating but didn't miss the look of disgust on Teyla' face at the mention of picking noses.

As McKay continued to talk about some new device for the infirmary he backed out of the conversation. The throb in his head was making his head heavy. Even with so much sleep in the infirmary overnight his eyes threatened to closed. Mentally shaking himself he tried to focus on what McKay was saying. When Teyla's concerned eyes met his he offered a meek smile before digging back into his food hoping it would be enough for her.

After several more bites he turned his attention to the other tables. It was quieter now than it had been many tables empty now. The usual faces were there clustered away in their groups her and there the sudden surge of laughter telling of their enjoyment. Others were quiet, solitary as they continued to work. A table nearby cleared, a tiny brunette that reminded him of Merry catching his eye as she fluently moved around tables and chairs. She didn't have her smile though.

The blur of his second in command crossed his eye line. It wasn't so much that he practically ran through the door or the fact he piled his tray up high but more the scary looking cook who followed in his wake before sitting down opposite him. Something was passed over and he found himself straining to see. A piece of pie appeared before she disappeared back into the kitchen leaving him alone.

"But at least the Daedulas is bringing us some good food for Christmas this year. Last year's was awful." He heard McKay exclaim his voice cutting through his spying.

"You are looking forward to the traditional meal?" He turned his attention back to the table not surprised the conversation had turned to food.

"Oh God yes. Last year's Pegasus version was good but nothing beats the traditional stuff." He remembered last years meal well having avoided the majority of the food thanks to previous experience with the food. The thought of proper food for everyone was a boost for his own morale as well as everyone in the city.

"I still don't understand all the festivals." Ronon grumbled around his fork.

"Me either buddy and I lived there."

"Well it's just a bunch of…" McKay began the rest a mumble and a blur to him.

He fazed in and out of the conversation after that. It wasn't that he wasn't interested in what was being said, he had barely spent any real time with his friends recently, but that something, someone else caught his attention. He'd seen Merry the second she walked in her sparkling eyes searching the room. The moment she saw who she was looking for a slight glow filled her face, her smile changing to something more real.

When she crossed over to the Major's table sliding in across from him he felt his heart drop into his belly. He would have been crazy not to admit there was something there and he had known from the other night it was definitely not one sided. But seeing her there eyes twinkling at him, her teeth sinking into her lip as she waited for him to speak told him that ship had sailed long before he had even gotten to the dock.

With a deep sigh he stabbed his lunch. Lifting the forkful to his mouth he glanced over in time to see her sashay out of the room knowing it wasn't for his benefit.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: OK so this has been a long long long time coming. Life kind of left me without me time but several stolen moments and I managed to get back into the swing of things again. And this is what I came up short but this was a difficult bit. It might seem a bit seperated from the story line and I tried to stop that but c'est la vie. Any feedback would be appreciated bu no worries otherwise.

XxXxX

He'd never been a fan of lightning. Lightening meant a storm and back on Earth that meant he was grounded, unable to fly. Out here in the Pegasus galaxy it meant the same thing but it felt different. He wasn't just a pilot out here.

There was more energy in the air here, like it was fuelling itself and everything around it over and over. It had been what had woken him at that ungodly hour. His body has sensed the strange feeling to the air and had pulled his mind from slumber. He didn't move however, at least not anything major. Turning over to face the window he watched the display caught in-between sleep and awake. He was too tired to move but too awake to fall back asleep.

Watching the forks of blue he felt like he was stuck in limbo. Everything had a dream like quality to it. In the darkness his room looked never ending. There was softness to the shapes he could make out in the dark. They would appear and disappear in a blink leaving his eyes straining to see them again in the darkness.

As the noise from the thunder and the lightning's display came to an end he slumped down into his bed again. Sparing a quick glance at the clock he sent out silent thanks for the few more hours of rest coming his way. With a heavy sigh he closed his eyes, oblivion soon sweeping him away.

He'd been lost in thought on his way to the conference room when Lorne magically appeared at his side. He remained silent a data pad clutched in his hand. Marvelling at just how the younger man had apparently snuck up on him he tried to focus. The moment he did he became aware of someone behind them trailing by several steps. There was no need for him to turn and see who it was. He already knew without a doubt.

Trying to not focus on the way her footsteps sounded so relaxed he almost missed the sudden roar of sound as they stepped up the control room stairs. Looking at the large coloured window he smiled. It didn't take a scientist to figure out what the sound was. Ignoring the looks of wonder and amusement from the staff as they stared up at the ceiling he crossed the short space to the balcony eager for a better look.

The moment the balcony door opened he regretted swiping is hand to open it. A torrent of water him hit in the face. Huge blobs of rain were pelting down on the balcony and through the small opening onto him. Stepping back he watched the door slide shut before he dared to look down. He could already feel the cold water seeping through is uniform to his skin, chilling him.

His whole front was soaked through and in front of him was a large puddle. Staring at the puddle as it slowly grew he attempted to ignore the fact that both Lorne and Merry were trying to hold in their laughter. With a swipe through his mess of hair, droplets of water escaping onto his hand, he glared at his second before turning his attention to Merry. She was studying the window almost as closely as Lorne had been but unlike him she had sucked her lips into her mouth obviously desperately holding onto her laughter. Seeing her sneak a look, a blush slowly covering her cheeks, he pointed his finger blowing out a mouthful of newly acquired droplets.

"Not a word."

Turning away he slumped the last of the way to the conference room already undoing his shirt buttons intent on removing it. He had been just few steps from the conference room when he had heard Amelia Banks reporting in problems.

"There are power fluctuations on the West side of the city and two of the lower levels have begun to flood."

Spinning on his heel he took the stairs two at a time re-entering the control room in time to hear Lorne's instructions. He still hadn't been cleared for duty but was happy to listen in, to offer any help he could. He did itch to open his mouth and slip back into that easy role but for once he knew better. Although highly unlikely to be a severe situation he didn't want to question any mistakes afterwards. He had enough of that.

"Contact all military have them report to their stations. Send Marshall, Torres and my team along with a full team of engineers to all the flooded areas. Get Zelenka and Simpson to investigate the power with Briggs' team as backup." He knew he wasn't one to dole out praise left right and centre but Lorne was exactly how he had expected him to be when he was absent. Cool, calm and collected seemingly completely unfazed by the situation because of the mask he so often wore. Ever the golden boy of the Air Force, which in the beginning had him questioning whether he had been sent to keep an eye on him, Lorne was more capable of being a leader than the man thought.

As he disappeared from sight off to join his team he made a mental note to pop a mention into his file. Just off hand he could think of a handful of situations where his conduct had been above and beyond what was required of him.

Bracing his weight on the back of the console he listened to the stream of feedback coming through from the teams sparing a nod of acknowledgement to Woolsey as he stepped into the room. The snicker that escaped as he listened to Zelenka and McKay arguing over the radio was the highlight, it becoming more hilarious as he watched Woolsey roll his eyes before walking away to his office data pad in hand. Hearing several marines report in the power had not only returned but was staying steady the two of them instantly fell silent.

"Well done Zelenka," he said into the radio knowing his praise would irk McKay.

"Thank you Colonel but that was not myself," Zelenka replied sounding as baffled as he now felt. Opening his mouth ready to make some smart comment to McKay he was surprised by the voice that came over the radio.

"It's only temporary, Colonel. There are several conduits that I've bypassed in order to restore power. It will be easier to fix now power has been restored."

Knowing McKay's face must have been a picture he was shocked to hear McKay speak.

"Yes well, well done Simpson."

XxXxX

Shovelling snow was definitely not the highlight of his day. Stopping he leaned on the makeshift shovel looking over at the grey horizon. The clouded skies threatened more snow soon. As hard as moving the darn stuff was to clear the pier it was preferable over the golf ball sized hale stones he'd had earlier. Rubbing the sore spot on his cheek, where one had unfortunately caught him, he thought about that carpet of stones he had seen. Both he and Lorne had been stunned at the sight of the balcony. The way they had bounced off one another as they landed, some then flying over the railing had kept him hidden under the shelter until it was over. At that point he had known first hand how hard they were coming down and had since regretted sticking his head out of the broken window in his office.

A marine passing him brought his eyes back down. With Ronon on his left and Teyla on his right he had moved forwards steadily. The dozen or so marines slowly moved forward around them taking up new spots. Looking at Ronon, the Satedan wrapped in a long heavy coat he smiled. Like many of the marines he was digging deep tossing large clumps of snow over to the side. Despite the bitter cold air the man was sweating leaving his front dreads shining. A low grunt escaped each time he lifted his own shovel.

Looking at Teyla she was very much like Ronon. Wisps of hair were clinging to her sweat soaked face and her long Athosian coat covered her body right down to her snow covered boots. The two of them had worked together with her taking off the top of the three foot deep snow and him clearing the rest. It had worked well but he could see they were already tired and there was still a long way to go. The equipment had to be moved from one of the furthest buildings and with it being too large for the transporters it was down to the good old fashioned way.

Twisting to examine their progress he caught a glimpse of the next pier. Lorne was heading another team the same situation driving them. They however were much further than his own team. Squinting he made out the good Major. He was shovelling like a bat out of hell was on his tail. The younger man had been out of sorts for a while. He had thought this latest little drama coupled with the time of year was to blame but he was beginning to question it more. He had seen many men and women succumb to the stress of the Pegasus Galaxy. Sighing at the man he wiped a few droplets of sweat from his forehead.

"Is here something wrong, John?" Teyla asked sounding breathless.

"No I'm fine. This is pointless."

"Rodney is quite certain the equipment will be severely damaged if it is left."

"But we won't be finished in time."

"I believe you are correct. It is a shame we do not having the beaming technology from the Daedulas."

"Or a bigger transporter." He barely got the words out before a chunk of snow hit him in the chest. He brushed off the snow still stuck to his jacket knowing just from the force of the impact who was responsible. Ronon was several paces away a smug grin on his face.

"Come on Sheppard,"

He stood for a moment in disbelief before an idea popped into his head. He honestly loved how snowball fights were a common thing between the two galaxies.

"Two can play at that game," he said quickly grasping a handful of snow before throwing it in Ronon's direction. The Satedan made a large target but just before the balled up snow could hit him he stepped aside letting it sink into the snow.

He'd already balled up two more snow balls when Ronon bent to make his own. He noted that Teyla had left his side more than likely to escape their childish antics. So when he was hit in the side he was shocked to turn and see Teyla huddled behind a mound of snow, a ball of snow in her hands. The smile on her face was replaced with a very un-Teyla like squeal when she ducked a snowball whizzing over her head.

Teyla quickly retaliated, her slender arms sending two balls flying at Ronon soon accompanied by two of his own. They each got a hit but not before the large man got off his own shots. He ducked down the snowball grazing his shoulder sending powdered snow flying. Moving as quickly as he could in the deep snow he quickly hid behind the mound. He was pressed up against Teyla from shoulder to hip as they gathered snow to build up their supply.

Popping his head out a touch he peered over the side soon ducking back when he saw the snow heading his way. He felt Teyla rise and then duck back down beside him a full smile growing on her face.

"Hey we're unarmed," came from over on his right. The snicker to his left told him she had aimed at the men and women helping them instead of Ronon. Quirking an eyebrow in her direction he watched the smile grow even wider baring her teeth.

"Shouldn't all of us enjoy the game?" she asked. Laughing he picked up two more balls jumping up to throw them at the first person he saw before ducking back down. Peeking over the edge he looked at the man who had become his victim. Both shots had hit the stocky man in the chest and he couldn't hold back the cry of triumph. This felt good.

The others seemed to understand very quickly that none of them were safe sending them ducking behind other mounds of snow or dropping onto the short ledge that preceded the drop to the ocean.

Snowballs were flying everywhere. With only the people at their sides as their team huge attacks were mounted on other shelters.

He targeted a group set off to his far right. It needed a large effort to get the balls over the long distance which would leave them both open but the group seemed to be covered in the least amount of snow out of all of them.

Both of them threw over a dozen snowballs each watching them fly towards their destination. They all hit their group some disappearing behind the mound when they ducked. Teyla let out a whooped war cry which almost smothered his shout to duck when he noticed the attention coming their way.

"Duck," he shouted grasping the back of her coat and pulling. She fell back with the force landing partially on him in the snow. A shower of snow came down over them covering the splattered remnants of previous hits. They both looked at each other before erupting in laughter. It was well needed.

The more he laughed the lighter he felt. It was a strange delightful feeling that he hadn't felt in so long. There was no shadow hanging above it, no weight to hold it down. Roll after roll of laughter left his chest. The hollow ache that held his heart so strongly for so long slowly lessened the tiniest hint remaining as he tampered down the laughter.

Noticing the shower hadn't topped but the thump of compacted snow hitting compacted snow had he looked, up a few last chuckles escaping. Blinking against the snowflakes dropping into his eyes he saw the cloud filled sky and the white specks falling. The snow had come earlier than expected. Listening to the laughter and war cries around him as the battle continued he decided to give them a little bit longer.

Closing his eyes he listened picking up the rustling of Teyla's coat as she moved, the thump of snow on impact. The peals of laughter and jovial smack talk reminded him of days long lost, of starting fights with his teenage pals pelting each other until one of them hit the ground, of making a snowman with Sally Walker.

Without wanting it, without realising what he had done the faint image of his mother's smile as she chased him through the snow filled his mind. The sound of her laughter rang in his ears, her sing song call of 'I'm going to get you, Johnny' seeming to echo as pictured her face. He could feel that childlike delight, the wash of love as her arms enfolded him scooping him out of the deep snow. There was still sadness there but not the heartbreaking breath stealing one he had become so used to. Tempting fate he tried to remember the moments before but could only find little shots; of running out the back door, the ice cold wind on his cheeks, his mother's bright red coat and the faint twinkle of her green eyes as she held him close.

For a brief moment he found himself worried. The tension and the guilt and the self loathing that usually came with those mental images were gone. Only the aching sadness of her loss remained in his chest.

Letting his eyes open he looked back up as the snowflakes fluttered down onto him holding his private smile for just a moment longer. He didn't understand it and he didn't need to. It was wonderful just as it was.

With a smirk that he knew would have made his younger self proud he twisted in the snow bringing himself into a kneeling position beside Teyla. There was no conversation, no need for words. The brief look spoke volumes. With handfuls of snowballs they stood throwing in opposite directions aiming at anything that moved until their arsenal was gone. Still they remained stood ducking to avoid all the snow balls coming their way. He just ducked down from one of Ronon's mammoth snowballs when he saw one of the marines shoved out from his hiding spot, his feet slipping on the icy crushed snow. It was all the incentive the others needed and he was soon crouched low his head hidden in his hands. He laughed along with the others as his dark coat soon disappeared under a sea of white but he knew that was the end of the game.

"OK I'm calling it. I win! Now everyone inside back, as you were." He could see his breath fogging in front of him as his voice carried over the pier. He knew it wouldn't have reached the other pier so he tapped his earpiece getting the curt response he had heard so often from his second in command in recent times. Staring off into the grey watching the other teams faint outline head down the pier to the buildings he realised how quiet it had become around him. About to turn he yelled as two hands shoved bitterly cold snow down the neck of his coat. Spinning around his hands pulling at the bits of snow not running wet trails down his back he glared a Teyla and Ronon. Both stood watching him their grins barely hidden.

"Ha ha!" he shouted trying to suppress the shudder as the last of the snow slid down his back. He knew he must have failed when they burst out laughing. As they turned their backs to him beginning to head to the warmth of indoors he let loose his own silent laughter. It had been a long time since any of them had been so carefree with their moods. Maybe the link had turned out to be a good thing after all.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: It has apparently been a lot longer than I had thought since I had last posted a new chapter for this and I guess time really did get away from me on a very grand scale. However I seem to be back into the swing of things (at least if life doesn't get me all tangled up in knots again) so hopefully it won't be so long to the next one but no promises. I hate to break promises. This chapter was definitely a labour to write but in a good way if that makes sense. I think my mind had forgotten how much it enjoyed writing and just how bizarrely therapeutic it could be.

XxXxX

At just a few steps from the still open door he caught the scent of something warm and sweet. It wasn't until he stepped inside that the aroma of hot chocolate with a spicy twist tickled his nose pulling at his stomach. Moving forward, the presence of Teyla and Ronon shrinking to just out stretched hands, he reached for one of the last few cups sitting on a tray, the warmth instantly seeping into his fingers.

Lifting his cup his eyes strayed to the tray and then up to the sweet face of Merry. The cup paused midway as he stared her. Eyes that now stared at him from her face were the ones that had been staring back at him through the mirror for an eternity. Now they were looking everywhere but at him. The weight of that action alone was enough to make him look closer. Her makeup was thicker, fighting to cover her dark circles and faint lines of pain. He knew those lines, had watched them grow on his face as he buried it all deeper. There was no way to understand it and he didn't even want to try, the well of guilt already deepening as his stomach twisted.

He had done that.

She finally relented, her eyes meeting his and his heart stopped. The tenuous grip he had on his mug began to fail. He was lost staring at eyes that were dead and hollow. The thought that he had done that, his own tormented insides destroying hers flitted through his mind. Everything ceased to exist for just that moment as he sent out a silent prayer begging for forgiveness, begging to take it all back.

As though he wasn't even there a conversation began. The words swirled around him as he stared at Merry. Her eyes would dart away from him but come back a beat later. Each time they lingered a moment longer. He could see her guilt, her blame in each flicker.

Standing there still when he wanted to run was killing him. With a slowness that amazed him he placed the cup back onto the tray untouched and stepped away. One step became two, became three and soon he was taking himself away, pulling himself out of that situation. Eyes were on his back burning into him but he didn't care. He had to get away. He was beginning to feel overwhelmed by everything, the walls that held everything at bay lying in a crumpled heap as wave after wave of guilt and blame washed over him.

His feet carried him without thought down hallways, up stairs until solid floors made way to metal gangways in the darkest recesses of the city. The dim light made him feel safer though his feet kept on hitting the grid harder as his pace increased. The heavy thump of his feet on the metal was hypnotic. It lulled his thoughts away from everything but the urgency to keep moving, to get further away. There was no need to watch where he was heading. He knew the layout like the back of his hand and he knew at this point in the day there would be no one up here.

Long stretch after long stretch he ran his heavy coat slowing him down. Gripping the rail he pulled himself around a corner slipping his arm out of the left sleeve. As his forward momentum pushed him out of the coat he let his right arm slip back sending the coat tumbling. Free of his coat he moved faster his upper body no longer restricted. The slight chill on his sweat soaked skin was barely noticeable as he continued on, fists pumping the air.

He had rounded several more corners, run lengths like never before when each breath began cutting into his throat. His chest was burning, the breath training he had learnt from Teyla fading away as he battled his body. Legs cramping he tried to stop stumbling over his feet into the rail.

Doubled over one hand still gripping the rail the other propping his upper body up on his knee he blinked against the sweat dripping down his forehead into his eyes.

Those eyes were all he could see, the emotion tangled up in them stabbing at his gut, twisting his heart until it stole the last of his breath. He knew he couldn't take anymore, could feel himself breaking over the weight of those diminished eyes.

Gasping for breaths his body just would not take he fell to his knees his rolling stomach emptying itself. Coughing and spluttering he fell backwards to the opposite railing supporting his weight. Grimacing at the foul taste that lingered in his mouth he scrubbed at his lips with the back of his hand. The faint sound of splattering as his stomach contents slowly dripped through the grid work falling from level to level seemed to echo in the silence. The only other sound was his harsh, raspy breathing.

His throat was still burning, his legs feeling like jelly ached but the raw edge on everything seemed to have gone. Flopping his head back the resounding thunk as it hit the rail echoing around him he focused on his breathing. Deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. The heavy thud of his heart made his chest move hitching his careful, controlled breaths.

Every breath he took was cold but it still burnt his chest like a naked flame. He couldn't seem to feel any of the cold beyond his sweat slicked skin.

As his heart slowed and his breathing eased he opened his eyes unaware of when he had closed them. For a beat his head swam everything swaying before settling again. Beginning to twist so he could stand the stench of vomit met his nose. The sight of what was left made his empty stomach churn all over again and his nose twitch. Grunting through the pain he heaved himself up from the metal grid flooring mentally making a note to have that cleared up. His legs were protesting at having his weight on them again but one tentative step after another they held strong.

On the gangways he held the rails like they were a life line and in the corridors he hugged the walls as nonchalantly as he could desperately trying to cover up how much his body was shaking. Thankfully he came across no one who needed him nor did he come across his team. Or her.

As soon as he crossed the threshold into his quarters he was peeling off his clothes. His trembling fingers fumbled here and there but he needed them off quickly. The stench was still on them and it just reminded him of pain and guilt and loss.

The water in the shower was on as hot as he could stand, the scolding red of his skin tightening as hot steam brushed against it. He didn't try to wash he just let the water run over him. It was a big difference to the cold of before but he would take that over the raw emotion he currently felt. He hadn't done anything but seeing Merry like that brought about a new wave, one he felt too open to deal with.

Slamming off the water he took a breath of steamy air, the moisture stuffing up his nose. Shaking the water out of his hair he roughly towelled himself down. The rough texture felt like sandpaper on his reddened skin but the cooler air of his quarters as he crossed the threshold was like a soothing balm. Tossing the towel back through the doorway he stepped to his dresser quickly pulling out clothing and slipping them on. The worn in texture of the cool cotton was silky soft against his skin, the touch lurching up all the emotions again.

Sinking down to the corner of his bed he sat his face on his hands. He knew what he should do. He also knew what he wanted to do. He knew what he needed to do. The problem was he was too damn set in his ways to change. That only left him with one option.

He wasn't avoiding her. At least that was what he was telling himself. If he just happened to be awake extremely early and up at the infirmary for all his tests before she was well that was just the way it happened. Maybe he had run harder shortening the time. If he had then gone to the mess hall to pick up some breakfast to eat in his office whilst he did some catching up well that wasn't him trying not to be seen by her.

Upon walking into the mess hall he had quickly noted how full it was. Chairs and tables had been returned allowing people to fill up the space again. Scanning the faces seeing everyone laughing and smiling around mouthfuls of food he soon found Teyla and Torren. Torren looked to be giving her trouble this morning turning his head away each time any food came near him. Watching on he began to reach for some food when another hand came into view the food eagerly received this time. As people moved he spotted the owner of the hand and instantly recoiled.

With a gentle smile on her face Merry gave Torren more food, Teyla's eyes watching every movement like the ever vigilant mother. They were clearly discussing something the words unheard over the hustle and bustle but by the small movements their mouths made he knew it was a conversation neither wanted to be heard. Something in him made him think that it was about him and the way he had reacted the day before. It was the fact that he didn't want to intrude he told himself that made him grab a few more pieces of food before spinning on his heel retreating to the warmth and solitude of his office. By lunch time, and a brief period of being locked in his office during a power cut, he had read through the stack of magazines he had and a few old ones and had made a serious dent in his play list. He had barely noticed anything beyond the words in front of him and the music in his head. He'd zoned out a few times imagining rolling greens set ready to play on as fun filled day.

The rather loud and uncomfortable feeling of his grumbling stomach brought him into reality. Tossing aside a magazine that was older than he cared to admit he shut down his laptop, noting how low the battery had run to, deciding to be a little more social. Only when he reached the mess hall did he pause. Stood at the end of the table with Teyla, Torren and Ronon was Merry. He debated for moment before his stomach growled in protest. The smells of all the foods laid out were calling to him. He was about to step forward away from the doorway when he was almost barrelled over by Dr Keller almost dragging a whining McKay into the room. The sight of McKay's face moving from full on annoyed to delighted was enough to make him lighten up. Following in their wake, choosing whatever the fish thing was being served, he kept one eye on their table noting how much attention she kept giving little Torren. He was of course basking in every ounce of it smiling and laughing. He couldn't blame the little guy. She was an attractive woman and her green eyes were hypnotic when they sparkled. He stayed away a little longer seeing Rodney join the table with the doc. Rodney offered Merry a small wave with his knife before giving his food his full attention.

Unable to stand there much longer, no doubt getting the attention of the people around him, he slowly moved forward being slightly over the top with how courteous he was being to anyone and everyone, delaying the inevitable. Taking an extra moment to look out the window at the snow covered city he admired the strange sight letting some of his mood lift. Pulling a spare chair from a nearby table he sat at the small free space. He tried not to notice how Merry changed when she acknowledged his presence, her body stiffening. Her eyes met his more than a little reluctantly. The moment he realised they still carried the full weight that they had a mere twenty four hours before he looked down to his food. Suddenly glad at the way his actions seemed to put her on guard he began to eat. The heavy warmth of the food didn't sit well at first but after a few bites he managed to ignore the foul taste and simply enjoy the feel.

"So, Rodney. What did you do this morning?" he asked well aware of how easily that would get the man ranting.

"Oh, um, yes. Apparently some people don't know the difference between simulation and real life. One of those…children," he turned directing his speech to Jennifer cutting her of before she could speak. "And yes they are children. I don't think they have even finished high school let alone earned the doctorates they claim to have."

He waited letting the man get a few mouthfuls of food in before he baited him to continue.

"And?"

"What? I had them run a simulation on the power after the explosion. Some of the power distribution to the other towers further down the pier have been a little unpredictable so we were trying to run some tests on diverting the power and they did it for real instead cutting off power to everyone. It took like five minutes to switch it all back and they didn't break anything. This time."

"Well maybe you should keep a closer eye on them."

"Are you kidding me? It was you who told me to trust them."

"It is true, John. You did tell him to delegate more of the work out to his subordinates. I believe the example you gave was of the training exercises that you have handed over to Sergeant Stackhouse," Teyla said her tone beginning to turn teasing as she continued. "And we all know how you avoid the orientation meetings handing them over to either Major Lorne or Major Briggs."

Knowing she was just teasing him and that Ronon with his twitching smirk was enjoying it he attempted to play coy.

"Well what can I say. _My_ staff are exemplary." Purposely pointing the last comment to McKay he waited for the sneer but found him staring off to the main entrance. Turning his head he just managed to see a Merry shaped blur disappearing through the doors. Shrugging it off he caught the exchange of a worried look between the others. Had he blinked he knew he would have missed it.

Watching them for a moment he tossed the idea of saying anything away having no doubt as to just what they would want to say. Digging in to food that had begun to taste like ash he listened to Keller and McKay bicker unaware for several mouthfuls that they were bickering about the device that had altered him.

"They've gone back to normal Rodney but I wouldn't have anyone else use it. It's not safe."

"I know that, you know that but the mentally defective IOA don't seem the know that. They want us to do more testing on it. Woolsey is trying to make them see sense now."

"I won't let someone get hurt or worse killed by that machine. It nearly killed the Colonel," Keller replied her voice rising. Tossing down her cutlery she pushed back her chair making it screech before she squeezed passed him. She was already over half way through the mess hall feet stomping when McKay stumbled is way out of his chair. He jogged through the room to catch up with her ,disappearing through the door after her shadow.

He could feel his eyebrows blending with his hairline. As he drifted his eyes away from the door back to the little food still remaining in front of him he caught sight of Teyla watching him. He didn't want this, wasn't ready for this but knew that in some ways it was inevitable. Keeping his eyes locked with hers as she took a sip of her tea he tried his best to show with his eyes what he couldn't with words. Counting on her to understand he held them for as long as he could. He wasn't as open as he should be but it was enough he hoped to show that he was alright even if he didn't look it.

Ducking back to his food he shovelled another mouthful of food into his mouth, the ashen flavour making his face twist. Swallowing own the too large portion he covered the chokes with a gulp of coffee. It burnt his mouth as much as the food hurt his throat as it scraped its way down. Avoiding looking at Teyla again he gathered his things, most of his food untouched.

"I've still got some work to catch up on. I'll see you guys later," he forced out resisting the urge to cough. He knew his voice sounded strained.

Heading down to the labs to see McKay he paused just slightly outside the door when heard her voice. Keeping perfectly quiet he pressed his side to the wall, leaning over to peer around the edge of the door watching what was happening, waiting for her to leave.

"You said we could have them," Merry barked and even from his limited view he could see her body tensing.

"Aah no I didn't actually. I said I would see what I could do," McKay replied his usual condescending lacing the words. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at the scientist

"Yes and Radek has some for us. They are all pieces. Completely useless."

"For your information they could still hold vital clues on repairs and, and data and I said no and that's final."

"Dr McKay I'm not five. That doesn't work with me."

"Well I'm sorry but I am a busy man and I may need those at some point to save your ass. So you know what I'm cancelling Christmas."

"Fine. Keep all the shiny crystals that have been tested until your people are blue in the face. But you know what Dr Grinch they were decorations for the tree Dr Keller acquired for the infirmary. Why don't you go tell her you've cancelled Christmas?"

"What, you, they, what?"

"Wow that was almost a sentence. Yes it was for Dr Keller. In the time I've spent in the infirmary with her, you know after you tried to fry the Colonel and I with that thing, we realised it was the first Christmas since we left Earth and we wanted to make the most of it with what we could. You know finding a little tradition."

"Fine. Fine take them just, just go."

"Thank you Dr McKay. I'll make sure everyone knows how wonderfully generous you have been."

"Yes yes go. Now. Go. I've work to do fixing the tower you broke and everything."

Hearing her footsteps coming closer he looked around eyes searching every nook and cranny for somewhere to hide. Seeing a small recess in the wall further down the hallway he headed quickly for it just slipping in as she appeared from the doorway. From his hiding spot he had a clear view of her as she headed down the opposite direction, each step carefully placed. He felt a little guilty watching her struggle with the precariously balanced boxes but to step out to her aid he would have to admit to having hid from her in the first place.

Decision made he stepped out of the recess jogging down the corridor to catch up with her just in time to watch her disappear into the transporter at the far end of the corridor. Cursing himself he turned and walked back to his original destination. At just two steps from the door the lights went out leaving him in virtual darkness.

"McKay!" he bellowed, the scientist glancing up from his laptop before tapping his earpiece.

"We're working on it. I should have everything back in a few minutes." McKay said still watching him. He knew the words were for the voice in his ear but only McKay could kill two birds like that.

"Yes Major. The infantile pranks my inebriated staff thought would be hilarious to pull have tripped us up at every turn this morning. I don't know what they drank. Whatever it was you'd think they would want to save the tiny amount of useful brain matter that they actually have!" McKay's voice grew in volume as he turned away from his laptop staring down at a small group of scientists huddled into the corner. Even in the faint bluish glow from all the laptops he could see the faint hints of pain most likely from a hangover. He didn't feel any sympathy for them. If this was because of them he was pretty sure they deserved a little headache at least.

He was still looking at them, trying to figure out what kind of scientist prank they could have played when the lights came back on. The moment they did McKay's head shot up zeroing in on the small group.

"Well? Why are you still stood there? You have work, go and do it!" Before he had even finished they were scrambling out the room. "Idiots the lot of them." McKay grumbled lost once again in his laptop screen. It seemed he had forgotten he was even there.

Knowing just how this little game of theirs worked he walked further into the room smiling at Radek when he glanced away from his own screen. Pulling up a nearby stool he sat down beside McKay requisitioning a nearby idle laptop to play solitaire.

He was into his third game, the hand going exactly to plan, when he felt McKay turn and look at him.

"How long have you been sat there?" he asked voice sounding more incredulous than it should.

Resting his chin on his hand he leaned further forward rubbing his thumb over his lip to disguise his grin.

"A couple of hours."

"What! Don't you have anything better to do than to loiter around here - Oh I get it thank you. It's been so dull around here without your sparkling wit." McKay replied his sarcastic tone emphasized by the way his forehead screwed up.

"Good to know I've been missed."

"Hhmm. You just missed your other half."

"My other half?"

"Dr Briggs, Merry. Petite brunette with green eyes and the penchant for throwing things at me."

"She did it once McKay."

"Yes well you never know with her sort. While you're here look at his. You might aswell put that math whizz brain of yours to good use." McKay turned a second laptop that he hadn't even noticed around tapping something into it before handing it over.

Shaking his head he looked at the numbers scrolling along on the screen already spotting several places where the numbers didn't tally quite right. Shifting to his other hand he relaxed into the stool finding a little bit of something in the calm of the room, the steady typing settling him into the numbers.

It was pure luck that had him in the control room when the power went again. He'd been there early for once for a meeting with Woolsey. It was a routine thing to close out the month. Given just how eventful the last fortnight had been it had been pulled up a little ahead of usual. The following day was his first day back on full duty so at least it meant he started back with a clean slate of sorts.

When everything had gone dark he had stood for a beat, then other and another waiting for the power to come back, for the back ups to kick in. It had been five full minutes of standing in the little of the afternoon's grey light that was coming through the large, stained glass windows before any power was restored. The little bit they got was only from the back ups and was more limited than usual.

Instinct had taken over almost immediately when the reports came flooding through the radios. People were trapped all over the city, doors locking people in corridors and transporters and, as in Lorne's case trapped outside. He knew the temperatures outside were still barely above freezing and with the wind pulling the temp down even more he knew he couldn't stay out there long.

Co-ordinating people around the few areas of the city that were still accessible was easy. Every member of the military knew the drills old and new like the back of their hands both through his own thorough training system and through circumstance. Most of the civilians had been there during one incident or another so most just made themselves comfortable as best they could, helping where ever they could. There were a few however griping in his ear and it had taken a lot to ignore them and focus on something or someone else. He was in fact grateful when McKay's voice as deafening as it was screamed out at them to shut up and let them both work. He was sure he had heard a few snickers from the technicians around him.

Keeping McKay on his toes with just enough sarcasm, just enough pressure to get the cogs in his head to beyond hyper speed was second nature after all these years to the point here it took very little thought. The words flowed out of his mouth with just enough edge to not quite push the wrong buttons but come pretty damn close.

The only problem he had, the only thing that kept halting the flow of plans and words in his head was the "Are you sure about this Colonel?" and the "Do you feel that is wise?" coming from his left. He'd held his annoyance at Woolsey's interruptions with both hands understanding why the city's leader was questioning him. Aside from the fact he had been under the influence of someone else's mood swings recently Woolsey was the leader and for all intents and purposes it should be him giving out some if not all the orders. Although that didn't seem to be on the man's mind.

"Colonel, may I speak with you," He knew those words and knew that tone. He'd heard them too many times for one lifetime and despite the years they had worked together Woolsey still seemed to disapprove of the many things he did.

"Should we be leaving so many people stranded all around the city when we know this isn't an attack?"

"Just because this isn't an attack doesn't mean someone couldn't just show up. We're blind right no and until full power is restored my men will guard key areas. There are more than enough helping throughout the city to keep the situation moving." This was quickly becoming a stand off between military and civilian he knew that but he couldn't stop himself staring down Woolsey.

He remembered this. This was the clash that he had experienced time and time again with Elizabeth and he knew then like he knew now he'd come out on top. Woolsey blinked and then his shoulders sank and he could see that the city's leader had finally seen sense. Resisting a smirk he span on his heel acknowledging the reports still streaming through.

Some part of him was still exhilarated at the little battle he'd had with Woolsey. It made him feel like he did before. Before the struggles, before the death, when everything was still fresh and new and filled with the wide eyed thrills of a new galaxy. He liked this feeling. He loved this feeling. Thankfully this time the feeling didn't come with the naivety that kept tripping him up.

"Power should come back, now!" McKay announced in his ear. He could practically see him bent over his laptop signalling with a finger held proudly in the air. His grin grew for just a fraction of a second slipping back as he felt Woolsey step up beside him.

"I believe, Dr McKay, a meeting is in order. Come to the conference room as soon as possible. And bring Dr Zelenka with you," and with a tug of his jacket the balding man walked away to the conference room his pace steady and sure as always.

Long after the man disappeared inside the room he found himself staring at the still open door to the conference room. There was no rush to join him in there. He knew McKay would be some time yet no doubt checking over the power distribution through the unscathed power relays as he chastised his staff again.

"Sir, do you need anyone else contacting," Banks' voice startled him out of his reverie. Clearing his throat he shifted his gaze away asking for the remainder of his team before stepping away. After a few steps he stopped turning back around.

"Call Keller and Lorne too," he said wincing at forgetting to include them. Lorne had covered for him over the last few days and possibly knew more about what was going on than anyone in truth. He usually did. Continuing on he sauntered into the conference room easily spotting the steaming coffee off to the side. Changing direction he leisurely filled a cup to the brim savouring the strong smell before taking a sip. The scalding hot liquid burnt his tongue but it was soothing on his parched throat as it slipped down. The strong flavour made what the mess hall served look like sludge. It was the smell of the coffee that always made him think of these meetings, of being caged up in the windowless room as everyone tried to listen to what the rest were saying.

Walking to his seat he nodded in greeting to Teyla as she and Keller walked in closely followed by Ronon who collapsed in the chair beside him. Lorne arrived next still rubbing his hands together taking the seat opposite him leaving the two furthest chairs for the squabbling duo he could already hear.

The meeting soon began, words thrown this way and that. He sat back absorbing what was being said as he took in everyone around him.

Teyla and Ronon looked to be in good spirits, hopefully a mixture of the lingering after effects of their snow fight and their own personal circumstances, but occasionally Teyla's eyes would drift from whoever was speaking to him. Her gaze would rake over him, assessing him, questioning him in its split second glance before returning back into the fold, her serene façade back in place. He could see through it though. Years of watching and listening, through good times and bad had honed the skill. The slight pinch of her right eye, the faint crease in her forehead said something was bothering her and it didn't take someone of McKay's intelligence to know it was him.

Keller was her usual quiet self although he didn't miss her switching her mostly full cup of coffee for McKay's empty one. There were faint hits of the dark circles under her eyes still but she mostly seemed back to her usual over worked self.

McKay and Zelenka were flying hands and speaking a hyper speed at each other both wild haired, wide eyed and fed by a jittering energy that could only be fuelled by caffeine and sugar. How the two of them hadn't had a heart attack he would never know but sitting this close to it all was giving him a headache.

Lorne was the one who concerned him. The man seemed to take everything in his stride with a touch of sarcasm. He'd relaxed over the years even more than the little sway with the rules the SGC had but he still had the by the book manner even if he had learnt to bend a few here and there. Now he looked tired and worn, never more so than when he delivered his report on the drunken scientists when he had seen them in the infirmary. It was cold facts wrapped up in the sound of pure military efficiency. It was so un-Lorne it made his skin crawl just to acknowledge it.

He'd known the holiday season would be a hard time for anyone in the city. This was the first one since they came back from the Milky Way and he knew that Lorne like many others had a family that they wouldn't get to see. That plus all the hassle he had put the man through was enough to be anyone out of shape let alone the unflappable Major Lorne.

He was curious as to just what had caused his second in command's mood to turn so sour so quickly though. Where as his gaze on any normal instance would have gone inward he found himself lifting the data pad sat at Woolsey's side, fingers scrolling through reports and incidents over the whole period he had been off duty. Violent daisies (which were slightly bizarre even for him to the point where he stifled a chuckle behind a cough), rioting marines and buildings exploding were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to the holiday madness that was overtaking the city. Seeing the multiple complaints regarding the 'choir' that always seemed to reform each year made him groan inside. He'd had to disperse them a couple of times over the years but judging by the younger man's sour face he gathered he had probably gotten himself stuck listening to the cat wailing.

Trying to form a plan to lift the younger man's mood he slipped through the duty roster quickly noting how he was still blocked off for a few more days leave. It took no effort at all to change that giving Lorne Christmas Day of aswell as the following day. It may not have been much but it was a start. The rest would come to him he knew. He hadn't realised how lost in thought he was until he almost flew out of his seat when the sound of a hand slamming on the table jolted him back into the fold. Having vaguely heard McKay and Zelenka arguing again he had expected it to be Ronon. But it wasn't. There across from him his usually cool and calm Major had his hand planted on the table, his body rigid with tension, his face like thunder.

No one spoke. No one moved. They were all stunned. That was the moment the room went dark, again. Scrambling out of his seat he shot out heading for the control room, the doors barely opening enough to let him squeeze through.

"It's another power cut, sir!" Banks shouted her head turning to this blank screen and then that blank screen.

"Here we go again," he thought only seeing Banks' smirk making him realise he'd said it out loud.

As his team slipped up to the balcony railing and McKay and Zelenka zipped from station to station like bees flitting from flower to flower he watched some of the tension leave Lorne's shoulders. A spark of an idea blossomed but to put it into action he would have to talk to the one person he truly just wanted to stay away from.


End file.
